So this post is how I coach people to better show their value when they find themselves in strategic roles such as product management.

1. Have a good handle on the organization’s strategy and a pulse on industry news. Read customer insights, talk to your customers, understand what the latest news articles on the topic are saying. This will give you more confidence in many rooms you are in, and you’ll be seen as a resource to go to. Adam has written about his “Information Diet” as a product manager - read his and develop your own.

2. Question intent behind asks of you - one of the most effective (and polite) questions that can help you understand the why behind a deliverable - “can you paint success for me?” Don’t be afraid to clarify before jumping in with solutions.

3. Have an opinion and be brave enough to share it. Make it be grounded in something you learned or lived. This also means that not everyone will agree with your opinion (if everyone agrees, it’s fact, not an opinion). Use that to get curious and sharpen your take.

4. Write it down. Whether you are trying to get people aligned on your idea or just to organize your thoughts on a topic, put it on paper and share it. This will be seen as strategic - because you are using your voice to move an idea forward.

5. Building on other people’s ideas and making them better is as strategic as coming up with your own original one. Most start-ups fail not because they had a bad idea, but because they couldn't build on it and execute it (see previous point).

6. Be comfortable with ambiguity while pushing for forward progress. You will be seen as invaluable if you can name incomplete information and rationalize a path forward.

7. Look two steps ahead - a strategic thinker can “predict” the future. I don’t believe in fortune tellers, but I do believe in making an educated guess on what’s ahead and placing bets on it. Annie Duke’s Thinking in Bets is a helpful read on this topic.

8. Zoom out to see the entire system in front of you vs. your specific issue/part of the web makes it easier to make insightful observations. This means follow your company’s earnings announcements, news in adjacent departments, updates from colleagues you don’t always work with, etc.

9. Remember that saying no is as strategic as saying yes. Articulate the trade-offs so you aren’t saying no just because you don’t like it or it wasn’t your idea. Doing less with greater focus and craft beats out spreading your resources thin.

10. Have confidence in what you bring to the table that is unique and valuable to the team you are a part of. Believe it. Share it. If you don’t know what it is, ask those you trust to help you articulate it. If you don’t see your value, others won’t either.

Professionally, my fall is going to be busy - I’m focusing on a marketing revamp of my business offerings, starting quite a few new coaching clients, serving as a mentor coach for Women in Bio Seattle Chapter, serving my second year as PTSA President, captaining a daytime women’s tennis team and leading my younger daughter’s Girl Scout Troop.

I’m looking forward to getting back to a routine, onboarding a new household manager, football season, fall soups and the changing of the leaves. Wherever you are, I hope this transition finds you well.

Learn More

👩‍🏫 Clear the deck

I love Gretchen Rubin’s recommendation to get ready to return to the usual routine, to do a bunch of small tasks to set yourself up in a playful way. This is the third year I’m playing this Bingo game! So far, I have booked travel to see my sister and to see our good friends in Oregon, cleared out the kids closets in service of donating for fire victims in Spokane, and made my annual appointment for my eye exam and mammogram. I also used Claude to unsubscribe from unwanted newsletters!

✅ Update and Print Morning Checklists and Breakfast Menu

We started having a morning checklist a couple of years ago. Our morning checklist reminds our girls what is expected of them to get ready for the day. I display this laminated list prominently in our kitchen area, keep markers nearby, and every item gets checked off before we leave for school. Throughout the year, we add/remove items as we agree as a family, but this has been a helpful tool to ensure everyone knows what their job is in the morning.

I have also found that having a debate about breakfast daily is not fun, so we have a breakfast menu to reduce decision-making fatigue in the morning and further streamline weekday mornings. We have agreed as a family on the guardrails for each day of the week for breakfast, with built-in nonnegotiables as well as choices throughout the week. I learned this tip from a fellow mom and it worked great last year so we are continuing it on.

🔟 Remember the Pick 10 Rule to keep the house tidy

A while ago, I learned about the “10 Things Rule” renamed in our household to Pick 10. With a busy family of four, the clutter accumulates fast. So now, as a family, we all pick up 10 things during a transition period - for example, between dinner and the next activity, before leaving the house to go on a fun adventure, after arriving home and starting the next thing. 10 is an arbitrary number - sometimes we do 5 or 15. The main point is to not make this time-based but outcome-based.

👏🏻 Clear and Prep the School Work Boards

We have two large cork boards with each of our kids’ names hanging up by our dining table. This is where our girls get to display any work they are proud of from school. Before the start of the school year and the new year, we clear the boards to make them be ready for the upcoming influx of work that will be coming home. The girls get to decide what goes up on the board and what comes off of it when there is not enough space. Things that don’t make it on the board go into the trash.

First day of school traditions

🍦 Ice cream on the first day of school eve

My family had a tradition of getting ice cream before the first day of school to celebrate the upcoming beginning. Adam and I now do this with our girls. It gives us a moment to ask the kids questions about their intentions for the year as well as to talk through the upcoming morning of the first day of school (reminder of checklists, time to get up, etc.).

🍎 Take the first day of school morning off

When I chose to be a working parent, I promised myself that on days when I really wanted to be present with my kids or fellow moms, I’d make the time at work to do that. The first day of school is one of those days where I crave connection with other parents, so I block off half a day for back-to-school to be able to walk to school with my kids and hang out with fellow moms for a little bit after. After drop-off, I take a walk, get a tea/coffee, and sit down to plan the fall using Lazy Genius’s season workbook.

This pause gives me a moment of reflection for the year and grounds me in the two big jobs I have - being a mom and being a professional.

Wrapping Up

Whether or not you have kids starting school, going back to school or you are just getting ready for the fall, I hope you feel seen. I look forward to this season as much for the return to routine as well as fall decorations, soups, and football games.

Also, here are more of our parenting posts:

• 👶 Advice on Hiring a Nanny: Practical tips for working parents (Helen and Adam)

• 💪🏻 Brave Parenting: How to show up intentionally with our kids

• 🐎 Seven pieces of advice for parents returning to the "office" after parental leave: How to adjust back to work life (Helen)

• ✈️ Work Travel and Mom Guilt (Helen)

• 👨‍🍼My First Year of Fatherhood: Polished Memories (Adam)

Congrats on your job with Microsoft!  What an interesting time to start in tech - you just signed up for Facebook during your last week of final exams at UCLA, Google went public one year ago, and the iPhone will launch in two years. 

You will be in the first 1% of humanity to use the internet, get a smartphone, sign up for a SaaS service, or chat with AI. You will see cloud & mobile go from niche ideas to indispensable worldwide utilities, and the AI era is just starting to usher in another paradigm shift as I write this. The most controversial part of your career is that you stayed with the same company for 21 years, so you rode all these waves while nurturing a resilient home for your work life.

Over the years, building products that help teams collaborate and organizations share knowledge are the big themes of your career. You’ll touch the experiences of a dozen products: Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, Exchange, Viva, Purview, Microsoft Search, Teams, OneDrive, and SharePoint. Today you are a VP of product and data science for a group of ~100 of the most awesome product builders around the globe.

As you constantly adapt to the times, here are 21 lessons you’ll learn in your first 21 years.

Starting Your Career

1. 🏄‍️ Ditch the career ladder. Learn to surf the right waves.

Find something bigger than yourself and attach to it. When it washes out, find a new wave to ride. Repeat. Intentionally choosing the right wave - team, technology, industry trend- will be way more important than any other career tactics.

2. 📈 Drive for 1% better productivity every day.

The world’s information will double every 5-8 months, and workplace technology - from search to collaboration to AI - will keep improving to match. This means there are two skills that can and must constantly improve so you can keep up: synthesizing information & communicating your ideas. Practice, try new tech, and hone these a little bit every day.

3.🗞️Get paid to keep current.

Make learning an on-the-job habit - especially keeping up on the industry and a healthy information diet. This knowledge of the broader context of what’s going on around you will get you noticed.

4.🧱Don’t just start things. Be a finisher.

The tech industry glamorizes the start of new things. You’ll see, though, that it will be more important to find the grit to finish, to edit, to scale, and to bring customers along.

5. ⏱️ Learn the difference between urgent and important.

Getting the urgent done will foster your credibility on the team. But carving out time for the truly important work is how you will find creative success. Every year you’ll look back and realize that so little of your time - maybe 30% - was spent on that truly important, difference-making work. You’ll learn to trust your gut to identify it.

Sustaining Your Career

It’s not about “work/life balance” - it’s about managing your energy and exploring how what drives you will change over time.

6. ⛓️‍💥 Fire yourself at the start of each new wave.

“What got you here won’t get you there.” Every time there is a paradigm shift in your industry - cloud, mobile, AI - the cycle restarts and everything gets reset - requiring you to show up differently. Andy Grove at Intel famously fired himself and rehired a new Andy to pivot from memory chips to CPUs - you will need to do the same to adapt to changing times.

7. ☕ Balance mastery and purpose as you age.

Society wants you to get good at something in your 20’s and early 30’s. It’s much less clear what to do with your now finely-honed skills in your late 30’s and 40’s. Uncovering your purpose - asking “Who am I helping?” - will ensure you avoid feeling trapped by being great at something that no longer gives you as much joy.

8. 🏓 Detect your boredom & burnout early.

“It’s easier to recover from being annoyed than pissed off.” You’ll get bored sometimes. You’ll burn out too. Detect it early - before it snowballs. Stay “in the flow” where job challenges and your skills match.

9. 🏖️ Take your retirement along the way.

Every few years, you’ll find a way to take an extended time away from work - honeymoon, paternity leaves, sabbatical. The pauses will make you a more interesting person and unlock your understanding of what drives you.

Thriving in the Matrix

At Microsoft, the biggest multiplier to your impact is the scale of working on problems that require thousands of people to properly solve. You will learn to thrive in this matrix, not be a victim of it.

10. 🎁 Be generous.

Your job as a PM is not to own and explain the customer insights, but to teach engineering and design until they know the customer as well as you do. You’ll learn to think about this just like physics or economics - teach the team to run in their own heads a useful synthetic model of the world everyone can use to quicken decision making.

11. 🦝 Be curious.

Cross-team work will be some of the most rewarding projects in your career, but also the most tribal. Your biggest mistakes are when you jump to conclusions too early and critique plans before trust is built. Better instead to take the time to be curious - share context and understand the thoughts, wants, and feelings of the other tribes.

12. 👟 Walk in your managers’ shoes.

Life is too short to have anything other than a deep, trusting two-way relationship with your boss. You will work to understand the unique ways in which each of your boss’s jobs is harder than yours. You will help them learn the lived experience of members of their teams.

13. 🤗 Find your “First Team.”   

The key to happiness will be to join a “first team” of peers that you can rely on for support.  Find the space where you can be yourself and broker the deep relationships among those who can relate to your struggles. Find people you can laugh with.   Your unhappiest times will be when your own pride makes you resist joining the tribe around you. Don’t worry about title or scope overlap.

Making Great Products

Product Management will professionalize over the course of your career.  It’s part art, part science – and frequently calls for you to make decisions in the face of ambiguity. There will be a lot of noise and temporary trends, but three universal truths will become your grounding ethos on building products:

14. 📈 Champion results over activity.

Five years into your career, the cloud paradigm shift will begin.  This will fundamentally transform your profession – enabling data analysis, experiments, and more hypothesis-driven thinking.   You will learn to ask, “where do we need to be and how do we measure it.” Facts not adjectives.

15. 😍 Learn to have product taste.

Your job won’t only be about data and decision-making rubrics. You’ll also need to develop an innate sense of taste for high-craft products that generate user love. My biggest advice for developing this is product play - channeling that inner child as you make a habit of using the products around you. Yes, taste is learnable - not innate.

16. 🤝 Don’t just build products. Build customer trust.

The product itself is just a small part of the lived experience customers will have - you’ll develop a passion for the “around” product work of support, sales, adoption, customer success, and ecosystem stewardship.   As the pace of change accelerates, you will realize how much nurturing the industry around your product matters just as much as building the right product.

Leadership

Motivating and inspiring others and generating the legitimacy to do so will become an increasingly larger part of your job.

17. 🧘‍♂️ Harness the power of calm.

People are attracted to calm leaders. You will learn to tap into patience & optimism and create systems to help others do so as well. Your latest motto: Do hard things in a calm way with me.

18. 🌪️Inject healthy chaos at the right time.

They say the definition of Partner at Microsoft is “The judgement to find what wasn’t going to happen anyway and be the needed change.” Systems run on autopilot but if they don’t adapt, they die. You’ll learn that your job as a leader is to turn up the heat at the right time to force your team to rethink, adapt, and innovate.

19. 🎁 Give each person the right nudge.

Every person you manage will need you to push them to be their best - the trick will be to figure out what they need from you right now. Praise? A push to raise the bar? A reframe? Your attention to the nudge each person uniquely needs defines how you give people autonomy, yet still show up meaningfully.

20. 🔍 Be intentional with your attention.

A retiring member of your leadership team will give you a big gift on his way out - he’ll say that you should use the phrases “I need” and “I expect” more. You will not need to solve most problems yourself - simply setting expectations on what you care about will let the team know what’s important and what needs to change.

21. 💖 Embrace empathy, vulnerability, and allyship.  

You’ll have friends who lose their jobs due to the disruption your product causes to the industry.  This will have a profound impact on their lives.   What a way to humanize abstract charts on cloud growth rate and disruption to the value chain.   Technology and society are more intertwined than ever.  Leading diverse teams will require showing vulnerability and speaking publicly about allyship.

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Summing It All Up

This newsletter is called Mind The Beet for a reason – it’s a quote from Tom Robbins' Jitterbug Perfume that speaks to the eternal struggle of defining your own reality in the face of processes, pressure, and systems. The first 21 years of your career will be about influencing large systems, not letting them consume you.   Mind the beet.

Business Development

💁🏼‍♀️Target customer - My clients continue to be leaders in big tech, emerging leaders in a variety of industries (front-line managers, high achievers, etc.), and women seeking to be better seen for the impact they are having and/or transitioning to new adventures. I also tried to reach out to the young parent sector across industries, but that didn’t work (yet). My hypothesis is that this group of people is so busy that focusing on themselves is hard to prioritize in this season.

🎉 Expansion of offerings - I’m a certified Enneagram practitioner now, having completed my IEQ9 accreditation earlier this summer — it’s been a good addition to my coaching toolbox, and something I’m excited to bring into more organizational trainings. I’ve been offering mini sessions (Enneagram assessment + 2 sessions) to those who’ve never had a coach, to get a sense of what it would be like, and I’ve had good success there. I’m thinking about doing my next training next year (I have a goal to do one training a year) - continuing to focus on team coaching and facilitating.

👾 AI in my business - no post would feel complete without touching on this. AI has been helpful to me as a pseudo business coach - helping me write a business plan, debate my pricing offers and give me structure since there is so much that can be done in the space of business development. It has saved me time so that I can put off hiring an assistant for a bit longer, though that day is coming.

Lifestyle Job vs. the Tech Grind

To name the obvious, I have chosen to pen a chapter of my career where I am not building products and am not employed by a tech company. I don’t feel that my time in tech or as a product leader is over - it has been interesting to reflect what it’s been like to take a turn off that road.

So as I build this version of the life that I enjoy, here is what I am seeing:

❄️🌼🌞🍁 Coaching is seasonal and it aligns well to my priorities right now. I have seen an influx of business September - November and January through May. With my greater emphasis on spending time with the kids, this has allowed me to have a more enjoyable summer without the pressure of a different camp every week. I did not know how much joy it would bring me to have slower mornings with my kids when they are off school.

📈 Effort directly correlates to new business - the unfortunate truth is that business and progress only get made when I put effort into it. So my general benchmark is to spend as many hours in a week doing business development as I do coaching. Additionally, at a minimum, I try to do one thing a day to grow the business.

🎉 My life is fuller than ever with everything else that now fits - I’m so grateful for this chapter of my life. I have gotten to say yes to things that I couldn’t have before. I have learned a sport (tennis) and met a new community of women by doing it, I am more involved in my kids school communities than I ever was before (I can chaperone a week long camp for middle school and not feel bad about it) and I can focus on my health, which will set me up for a better for decades to come.

Trends I’m seeing from clients

*Disclaimer - All coaching is confidential, so I will only speak in broad terms on this topic to preserve the privacy of my clients.

Many of my clients are dealing with existential dread that has veiled the tech industry and I’m hearing things I’ve never heard before like “I’m so glad I don’t work in tech,” from clients who aren’t in the eye of the storm.

While everyone’s journey is different, here are some of the questions that keep coming up in my coaching sessions across industries, titles and levels:

There are no easy answers, though one of the things that has been helping in these conversations is to help my client identify where they are in the cycle of renewal. This is a Hudson Institute construct that gives language around going through change and ambiguity. If that’s you, I highly recommend the 5-minute video on the concept.

Overall, I’m happy with the business momentum that I am getting and grateful for the clients I’ve had the chance to support and walk alongside. This hasn’t been easy or straightforward and at times, it’s a little bit lonely, but I’m learning so much from building a business and I’m loving the work and the flexibility it gives me.

I’ve got some wonderful people locked in for the fall, and I have a few spots for September.

If any of these questions are the ones keeping you up right now — or you know someone wrestling with them — hit reply. I'd love to talk.

Thanks for being in my corner, and enjoy the rest of your summer!

— Helen

About five years ago, I adopted Gretchen Rubin’s practice of creating a numbered list of goals for the year. I’ve found it to be a fun, realistic way to stretch and focus across my full life—not just work, but also health, hobbies, family, friendships, and home.

I also choose a word of the year. This year’s word is Believe—a reminder to stay open to the possibility of great things happening, even if I can’t always see exactly how they’ll unfold.

So, how am I doing so far? 10 goals are complete, 6 are in progress, 9 haven’t been started yet, and 1 has been intentionally retired.

One thing that stood out to me as I looked back: my business goals are moving along well, while my goals around connection—date nights, game nights, and time with friends—have been much slower to gain traction. I love this exercise for this exact reason - now I will refocus my energy on my goals and hopefully find a TV show that Adam and I will both want to watch (recommendations welcome!)

Drive Success in Solopreneurship (1-6)

1. Offer 26 goal-setting sessions to my community - ✅

2. Invest in additional coaching training - ✅ (I an now an Enneagram certified practioner!)

3. Do a professional photo shoot - ✅

4. Post on LinkedIn 2-3 times a week and explore video as a medium - 🛠️ On track

5. Attend 6 start-up product community events in 2026 - 🛠️ On track

6. Streamline my business expenses - ✅

Invest in Home Improvements (7-14)

7. Frame theater posters - ⏳ Not started

8. Remodel a closet in my home office - ✅

9. Buy a full-size mirror - ✅ (thank you for all the recomendations!)

10. Update picture frames - ⏳ Not started

11. Keep 2-3 small house plants alive this year - 🛠️ On track

12. Replace bath towels in our house - ⏳ Not started

13. Get a dog trainer - ✅ (The dog behavior improvement is moderate 😂)

14. Schedule a regular dog walker 2-3 times a week - ✅

Prioritize Health and Hobbies (15-20)

15. Take a multivitamin every day - 🛑 Paused and focusing on different health efforts

16. Drink ~26 oz of water before breakfast every day - 🛠️ On track

17. Get a massage every 6 weeks - 🛠️ On track

18. Learn to create greeting cards with my Cricut and make 6 birthday cards for my family and friends - ⏳ Not started

19. Win 3 tennis matches in a league this year - ✅

20. Move at least 26 minutes a day - 🛠️ On track

Spend Time with People

21. Schedule a monthly date night with Adam - ⏳ Not started

22. Always have a new TV show I am watching with Adam - ⏳ Not started

23. Take a trip to a new country as a family - 🇬🇷 Greece this summer! ✅

24. Donate food, clothes, and toys monthly as a family - ⏳ Not started

25. Host 2-3 game nights with friends - ⏳ Not started

26. Plan a girls’ trip with my friends from my legislative fellowship days ⏳ Not started

We wrote this as a note to any young couple just starting their life together, interweaving what each moment meant to the life we’ve built together.

💍 The Wedding

Like many couples, our wedding was one of the first major events we planned together. We discovered that these traditions are not just for us and our moment - but for our family and an excuse for far flung friend groups to come together in that critical mid-20’s time of life. We were intentional about what was important to us and tried to stay true to those intentions in big and small decisions.

Our wedding reflected this balance as best as we knew how. We were married on the UCLA campus, where we met, with an after-party at In-N-Out Burger. We incorporated our family’s traditions that resonated with us while writing our own vows and creating a ceremony that was meaningful to us and our guests. We were focused on celebrating us as well as our family and friends who shaped so much of who we were (and continue to be). So we incorporated quirky things that brought whimsy and inside jokes to life (like our program was created as our school newspaper).

✈️ The Honeymoon

Something they don’t tell you is that the honeymoon is partly an excuse to recover from the stress of the wedding – something just for us without competing priorities and opinions. It was also a chance to define what travel meant to us and how we wanted to balance relaxation, learning, and exploration in equal measure.

We had a two part honeymoon – first a trip right after the wedding to the Caribbean, where Helen was certified to scuba dive (Adam was already certified), and then six weeks all over central and Western Europe.

This was a long time to be away from the office (Helen was in between her MBA and her new job, but for Adam it required special permission). It was the start of a tradition to “take your retirement along the way” that we’ve carried on through the 15 years - be it parental leaves, career breaks, or sabbaticals. We’ve invested a lot in thinking about what “time off” means:

⛰️ The Hobby

Shared hobbies are an important part of life for newly married couples. For us, we leaned into the default weekend pastime of the Pacific Northwest – hiking. It allowed us to build a friend group and continue the theme of exploration that we had on our honeymoon.

We added a goal to the hobby - “bagging” certain peaks including Mt. St Helens and Mt Rainier (in our first attempt, we were unable to summit due to the weather and only Adam summited on the second attempt as Helen was pregnant). We even finalized on the name of our first-born child on a hike at Crater Lake - pictured here:

🏠 The House

Buying a house was the first truly major decision of long-term consequence that we made together as a couple.  Location, size, fixer upper vs. spec home, painting colors and so many other small decisions that while small individually, together set up our path. We wanted to have a home that welcomed friends and family and where we could easily entertain. We loosely thought about it being suitable for kids (schools, playgrounds) but like so much of having kids, it was hard to envision what we’d need ahead of time. “Be ready to see yourself in your first home for 5 - 7 years” was the guidance we got from our real estate agent and indeed, we lived in that home for six years before we grew out of it.

🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒 The Kids

Most marriages are divided into “before kids” and “after kids.” And there is no way to prepare for this milestone.

Our first child was born over 12 years ago. It’s hard to really explain the magnitude of this event and how it shaped us. The best analogy we came up with is moving to a new city and not speaking the language. Becoming parents together helped us solidify our united front (to both the kids and to family/friends with advice). It helped us grapple with our best and worst traits in ourselves and gave us the most important job and privilege of raising good humans.  

Check out Adam’s article on the first year of fatherhood:

🤝 The Community

Nothing highlights the need for and importance of a proverbial village like starting a family while being a flight away from your parents and family support system. We figured out early on that we were going to need to build the support system that addresses the modern family construct (we were older when we had kids, with more means but less time and less built in support).

In the earliest days of parenting, the first community we became a part of was our PEPS group. It was a group of parents in our neighborhood who had a firstborn child in the same 6-week period as we did. It was a group of 6 other families - all under slept and bewildered about this new chapter. 

A vivid memory I (Helen) have is showing up to a meeting - Adam was traveling while I was on maternity leave - the baby was crying and I was exhausted. Immediately, one of the parents took the baby from me and soothed her while a plate of food appeared in my hands. That first year is such a blur - but the things I remember is not feeling alone because of this community.

Check out Helen’s take on how to build the parenting village:

🔁 The Traditions

It is with a little bit of age and perspective that the importance of traditions has crystallized for us. We were intentional with building our unique family ones while also maintaining our childhood ones.

Our family tradition is to host Thanksgiving and decorate for the winter holidays immediately after. We also send out annual holiday cards and display our family card every year on our fireplace mantel.

At the same time, we continue to celebrate Christmas and New Years with our parents, honoring traditions that are most important to them. Adam’s family does a Christmas Eve dinner out and hosts a Christmas Day dinner with close friends. Helen’s family does a New Year’s dress up/themed party on New Year’s Eve and then sits down for formal dinner on January 1st.

This bridge of our family traditions gives life certain structure that we have come to appreciate and build upon - and is a gift we are giving our kids.

Every year, we add one new thing to our Christmas village - above is last year’s “drone shot” of the village.

🌲 The Refuge

We’ve learned over the years how much location matters to our life together - as careers brought us away from family, friends scattered throughout the world, and places - be it our home, visiting parents, or special vacation spots – brought us meaning.

After our first kid was born, we invested in a finding a second home - a place away from the day to day yet still close enough for a weekend visit. We were feeling isolated by the early kid’s bedtime - we felt like we could never hang out with anyone past 6PM anymore – so we prioritized a place big enough to host a second family with us.

This space became so much more than a second home - it also is a place where we have created a community that we cherish and where we have established an additional set of traditions. It is also a place where a different side of us has space to come out - Helen learned how to sew and quilt and Adam learned more about what it takes to maintain a 5-acre property.

We were nervous to get a second property for the additional work and headache, and we wondered if we’d use it enough or if this would make us feel guilty about taking vacations. While all valid things to think about, it has always been a welcome change of scenery from the daily life.

😷 The Pod

Your marriage may not involve a global pandemic right as your kids were starting their education, but ours did. Among many other takeaways, for us the pandemic was a lesson in resilience and finding our own sense of control no matter the situation. Keeping calm and finding the bright side of any situation is now something we pride ourselves on.

How we did that during the pandemic was returning to a sense of community. After the schools closed, we gathered together with four other neighborhood families to form a “pod” - hiring a shared teacher (well, “joining the classroom Teams call” facilitator, really) and coming together for shared experiences like Halloween parties.

Community is what you create, no matter the situation.

🏝️ The Vacations

The end of the pandemic was when we got serious about family travel - one “epic trip a year” is our mantra. The end of the pandemic also aligned with the ages of our kids where travel seemed more enjoyable and doable. Lots of families start serious travel earlier but approximately around ages 5 and 8, made sense to us.

Our approach to travel is to be intentional about what each person in our family needs for the trip to be successful. So when we take a big trip to a new country, we design it so that there is epic fun mixed in with cultural exploration. For example, when we visited Paris, there was a pop up summer fair in the Tuileries gardens and the kids got tickets to the amusement rides every evening after we came back from museums or other cultural exploration. We also do smaller trips periodically that are “pure fun” trips – Disneyland and Hawaii come to mind - and we believe that there should be time and space for both.

🎉 The Birthdays

Birthdays have been a great excuse for us to get our families together (especially since they don’t live in the same cities) - and we used them as reasons to celebrate life, health, friends and family.

In our fifteen years of marriage - we’ve had two big ones: for Adam’s 40th, we took on a trip to the UK - where we met up with our best friends (living currently in London), friends from high school as well as our parents who made the trip to celebrate. For Helen’s 40th, we ended up with a 50-person mini-wedding but with a massive kids table where we danced the night away. Both events helped us make memories and not wait for a wedding (or a funeral) to see people we love.

The book that inspired us is Die with Zero by Bill Perkins which basically encourages you to spend resources when you can get the maximum joy out of it.

🧑🏼‍💻 The Careers

Supporting each other’s career has been a defining part of our marriage.

The one thing our careers have had in common is that we don’t feel trapped by them. We work the jobs and the roles we work as long as they work for us and when things start to feel off, we adjust and pivot.

We’ve both taken very different paths to achieve that growth and evolution. For Helen, that has meant changing roles, companies and careers throughout her time in the workforce. That level of change is what it takes for her to stay relevant and excited. For Adam, it has been driving change within a large organization and building deep expertise, while continuously learning and re-inventing himself on the job.

There were moments when our careers accelerated and moments when they stalled - we try not approach it as a “ladder” but rather focus on catching the right waves - zooming out to think in decades to figure out what matters and what doesn’t.

🏘️ The Neighborhood

As the kids got older, our community has centered around the neighborhood - especially the school community. For us, it’s provided so much support that we’ve learned to lean on.

A year ago, our dog swallowed a pair of AirPods. As I (Helen) frantically texted my PTSA co-president that we have to move our meeting because I need to go to the vet, she showed up with a homemade remedy while another PTSA person came with a bottle of wine and a third came over with tea to offer moral support. In this moment, I knew that we had a community in the neighborhood - a backstop in hard times and a support network in good times.

We have chosen to invest in our neighborhood by inviting people into our homes for our annual gatherings (a back-to-school party and our annual holiday dessert competition). These have really turned into neighborhood events over the years, and we pride ourselves at being at the center of these traditions.

🐾 The Dog

If you are going to get a dog after you have kids, get one when your whole family is invested in it and not a day sooner.

We always knew that we would get a dog – eventually. The debate came on the right time and just as with the debate on when to have kids, there doesn’t seem to be a great time to introduce one more thing into our busy life to take care of. Because we didn’t have a dog as a couple before we got married, we ended up waiting for our kids to be old enough to want a dog and to be able to participate in training, playing and caring for the animal.

We succumbed when our kids made a PowerPoint presentation outlining the benefits of getting a pet, did research to understand which breed would work for our family and were willing to sign a contract that stated they would both be willing to pick up dog poop.

A dog is a lot of work, but he has completed the family and has brought more joy to our family than we could have imagined.

📝 The Blog

Whatever your path is, find a way to keep your marriage interesting - working on a project together (other than raising kids) has helped us stay connected and turn toward each other in addition to having our own hobbies and interests.

Starting Mind the Beet came at one of the first moments that we felt like we were coming up for air from the period of pure child rearing + work life surviving. As a moment opened up, the question we pondered is how we might spend our time on something less transactional than everyday chores and responsibilities. So writing together became a project we poured our extra energy into.

In Conclusion

We are so lucky to have role models in our parents who have been married collectively for almost a century - they have shown us what it’s like to have marriages of mutual respect, resilience, and perseverance.

Thank you for reading and since you got all the way here, here is a video montage we put together for people who solved the riddle in our wedding invitation:

This week, I reflect on what I learned about PTSA, myself, and the community during year one of my term.

PTSA Does A Lot More Than Plan Parties

When I started, Adam joked that I finally joined a sorority where I get to wear matching hats and plan social events (aka school Carnival) — and while that’s true (and the hats are fun), I had no idea what I was actually signing up for.

The PTSA I run has a 15-person board, a six-figure annual budget, standing rules, parliamentary procedures, and national and state conventions. It’s less craft-and-parties, more nonprofit administration. So if you’ve ever wanted to run a nonprofit, your local PTSA is a legitimate path — one I didn’t realize was on the table when I wrote my 25 for 2025 list.

Here’s where the money actually goes: the biggest chunk supports teachers and kids directly — field trip subsidies, classroom supply grants, math clinics, morning choir, continued education grants, art and science supplies and projects. The second largest goes to family and community engagement: Multicultural Night, Inclusive Recesses, welcoming new families. The fun events? Those are mostly self-funded through ticket sales and sponsorships. Our Carnival costs over $10K and doesn’t touch the PTSA budget.

One thing that genuinely surprised me: want your kids doing hands-on art, clay, and science in elementary school? In Washington state, most of that comes from parent volunteers organized through the PTSA. Teachers are accountable for math, reading, and writing — the rest is best effort. So if your kid came home with an egg drop experiment, thank a PTSA volunteer.

What I learned about myself by joining the PTSA

1. I love building and leading a team. Not just organizing one — actually coaching, modeling, and going to bat for people. This week, the yearbook committee (also volunteers, also parents) had twisted themselves into knots trying to sort and deliver yearbooks on an impossible timeline the vendor handed them. When I saw what was happening, I went back to the vendor directly — pushed for a better plan, offered to co-fund expedited shipping, co-created a solution. I got so many grateful notes from the parents - I know they felt seen and supported. And I am reminded how much I love that part of leading.

2. Leading volunteers is harder than leading paid employees. Every parent who joins the PTSA has one thing in common: they’re passionate about doing more for kids. But passion and execution are different muscles. Skill sets, planning ability, comfort with process and stakeholders — all over the map.

   The traps I have run into so far: volunteers who signed up for a role they didn’t fully understand, and then couldn’t leave but also couldn’t deliver. I’ve learned to put untested people in smaller roles first — let them learn the ropes before handing them something big. I’ve also learned that parting with a volunteer is genuinely hard when you see that person at pick up and drop off. So now I do informal reference checks before offering someone a board spot. The due diligence matters just as much here as it does in a hiring decision — maybe more.

3. Boundaries don’t get easier in a volunteer setting — they get harder. Volunteers work at all hours, and because everyone is giving their time for free, it feels wrong to delay a response or ask someone to do a better job at what they signed up for. So I’ve caught myself taking the path of least resistance and just absorbing the work to close the gap.

   What I’ve learned: pause before hero-ing in to fix it. Ask for another draft and do a better job of explaining what success looks like up front (thank you, Brené Brown). And ask myself the harder question — does this actually matter enough to redo? Sometimes yes. More often than I expected, no.

My year as a PTSA president has made me a better coach and leader.

Looking back on year one, I’m proud of myself for taking the plunge into the world of volunteer parents - some of the hardest-working and passionate people I have met. This role has augmented my coaching practice in ways I didn’t anticipate — I got to build a team, work inside a community, and do the kind of in-person, hands-on leadership work that fills my cup in a way that solo consulting doesn’t always.

Year two is around the corner. My focus shifts from building to teaching — training the next set of leaders who will carry this forward when my term ends. My goal: leave it better than I found it and have fun doing it.

Spring is always a time of renewal - but this year there are a lot of changes going on at work: Due to companywide reorganizations, I’ve recently taken on an expanded team, wider charter, new customer segments to learn about, a new set of bosses, and new cross-executive relationships to foster. So, it felt like a perfect time to drive intentionality into how I want to show up in the new world.

Here is this season’s mood board:

Our reader survey shows that this is one of our subscribers’ favorite posts of the year, so I’ll share a few thoughts on my creation process and the trends over the years.

How I want to show up to the team

These three totems are all about how I want to engage with my team on a day-to-day level.

The “Be a Builder” graphic is a repeat from last year - it’s a fun time in tech to use products, prototype solutions, and show-not-tell. In particular, I’m a big fan of product play - using my product as a product maker not just a user - and I want to be known as a top bug finder on my team.

The “I need” graphic is a repeat from two years ago - a reminder of a vivid conversation a departing member of my LT had with me. He told me that I needed to say “I need X from you right now” more. All too often in the quest for servant leadership & x-discipline alignment, I sacrifice mission clarity. People want to get asked to help and this totem is a reminder of my job to rally people to a larger cause using clear and simple language.

The “magic mirror” is a new emphasis for my evolving leadership style. I’ve had a couple powerful moments recently where it’s clear the best way to deliver praise is for me as a leader to capture the strength of a team and reflect it back to them. The industry is intense, bars are being raised - but taking the time to praise the team by representing their strengths is how I want to show up this year.

How I want to push on product

I like the brutal simplicity of my product strategy reminders this year. The moon represents “moonshots” - we have a new org and existing momentum in our AI strategy. So now is the time to establish big audacious goals vs. experiments - I want to establish a “Play to Win” culture that focuses on bold goals that matter.

Second, the waves. Yes, it’s a nod to our post popular post on Mind The Beet - but in this context it also represents the time I need to spend ensure our technical, monetization, and user growth strategy is aligned to larger forces that we can draft behind. While this is always true, with our new orgs and emerging technical bets, it’s more critical than ever to get the “growth system” around our products just right.

How I want to grow myself

Finally, two totems that are about personal growth. First is the “system of neurons.” When I’m at my best, I’m a great connector between teams, disciplines, and stakeholders. But I’ve noticed that as I’ve gone up in level and are now in a more elite peer group, I’m falling behind from where I want to be on this. So, this is a year where I need to push for my own personal growth here - deeper bonds with fellow leaders, more curiosity to understand partner needs, and a greater understanding of the shifting stakeholders in this era of my company. It’s a reminder for me to be the connector and win fans among my stakeholders.

Second, the “one more” graphic represents a mechanic for personal growth that I’ve adopted recently. It anchors on the power of incremental growth on the margins - during strength training, let’s do one more rep than I was planning. In a cross-team conversation where I’m not feeling comfortable, find one more insight to contribute than I was planning. In social situations, ask one additional question than I was planning - even if it’s just elevator small talk. “One More” leads to growth vs. status quo.

My motto

This is the only graphic that has been on all five of my mood boards: my motto for how I want to show up at work.

Do = Act, not think or talk.

Hard Things = We do what’s difficult so our customers don’t have to.

In A Calm Way = Attention, focus, and optimism.

With Me = We are in this together.

My story arc over the years

Now that this is a Spring tradition, I have five years to look back on:

2022:

2023:

2024:

2025:

2026:

I’ve noticed a few trends:

• The boards track the lifecycle of the industry - from “peacetime” self-awareness in 2022 (right after my sabbatical) to the industry shock of AI (2023) to stress of keeping up (2024) to the need for speed & transformation (2025) to systems, waves, and moonshots (2026).

• I’ve matured over the years in how I show up - from stressing over being “in the fishbowl” to thinking about how to intentionally use my station to set the team up for success.

• I’ve simplified my totems as the years progressed - the ones that stick around are the simple ones, often with specific stories and moments behind them.

• Outcomes over activity, building over talking, and agility over perfection are persistent themes of my product making ethos.

• Every board is an interesting mix of “avoiding an antipattern” and “embracing strengths I have.” Balance is key.

This year, I tried creating the board fully with AI - using a markdown file as my “spec” for the board. Gemini and Copilot were both too rigid in their approach to image generation and unable to getting all eight totems right at once. So, I switched back to my standby - Canva - using both their stock imagery and image generation tools inline for each totem separately.

If you create a mood board yourself, share it with me!

🙅🏼‍♀️ NO is a complete sentence

Defining and sticking to boundaries is harder than ever, especially in this hyperactive season of parenting. My calculus has always been simple: if my child wants to do an activity—a sport, a hangout with friends, a camp—and it can be squeezed in logistically, I say yes. A Girl Scout event and a birthday party after swim practice? Sure, I’ll make it work so my kid doesn’t miss out.

Last weekend, I said no to stacking an extra event on top of an already busy Sunday. Could I have made it work? Technically, yes. But saying no made my day marginally easier—which translated into being less frazzled and impatient on Monday, and actually having time to prepare for the week ahead.

That small shift taught me something: before you say yes to the next thing, ask yourself this question:

What am I saying No to by saying Yes to this ask?

📣 Tell People What You Want

As the Spice Girls remind us: “Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.”

The people closest to me—my partner, my kids, my friends, my colleagues—can’t read my mind. So I’ve learned that expressing what I actually want or need is a critical skill, ideally before I’m frustrated about not having it.

These asks can be small or significant. Maybe I want the dishes put away. Maybe I want a 15-minute walk with my partner to talk about life without interruptions. Whatever it is, I need to find the words to vocalize it. For me, that’s harder than it sounds.

If you struggle with this like I do, ask yourself two questions before staying silent:

What am I afraid of by asking?

What is the cost of not asking?

💡 Now, the real work: Actually taking care of myself

Once I can stop saying yes to everything (work in progress) and start asking for what I need (also a work in progress) —I suddenly get space for actual self-care. Not the Instagram version. The unglamorous basics that actually help me.

💦 Drink more water

Drinking more water—specifically, water with electrolytes—has made a noticeable difference in my focus, energy, and recovery. I’ve been experimenting with different brands, and my current favorite is Magna. The Iced Tea Lemonade, and Blood Orange flavors are the ones I actually reach for.

🌻 Move every day

I try to move every day, though it’s gotten harder since I started coaching (it’s a camera-on experience, which doesn’t lend itself to sneaking in walks like my old job with its long listening meetings did). So I’ve gotten creative: I take non-coaching calls while walking, and if that fails, my dog gets me out the door for at least 20 minutes a day.

😴 Sleep matters more than you think

I know that I am a happier and saner person if I can get to bed on time, get 7 hours of sleep, and get myself out of bed consistently (I like getting up at 6am) in the morning. In addition to my Oura ring that keeps me accountable to going to bed on time, I have discovered a weighted sleep mask - Nodpod - that helps me get back to sleep.

It’s so popular in my household that my kids each now have one as well. It’s only downside is that it doesn’t have a strap to stay on, but i’s been really effective in helping me get back to sleep.

🫶🏻 Coda on Privilege

I am lucky that Mother’s Day for me is a joyous occasion, which I do not take for granted. I am grateful for my mom, who is alive, and well. We also enjoy a close relationship where I still seek her counsel and comfort. I was lucky to have had a relatively easy path to motherhood and I am also lucky to have two wonderful and healthy children. And most importantly, I have an equal partner who makes parenting not only possible but fun and fulfilling.

I know that not everyone is so lucky, and for many Mother’s Day is a heavy day. So whatever it is for you, I see you and hope that you find the right self-care and love for yourself, especially on this day.

That’s why, as I travel to the Microsoft 365 Community Conference this week, I prioritized giving a talk on How to Thrive In Your Tech Career: Managing Burnout and Boredom. Despite a bunch of behind the scenes work to ensure we put on a great show (I’m the conference’s executive sponsor from Microsoft), this is my only official speaking engagement of the week. I think it’s more important than ever to find sustainability in our work lives.

Doubling down on that theme, I wanted to reprint a post I wrote back in May 2022, as I finished a series of high-quality breaks from work. It’s everything I know about how to make use of your paid time off (PTO). Enjoy!

Adam’s Field Guide to Happiness

This is it.  My magnum opus.  The post that has given me the most joy to write.  After a recharge week in 2021 & summarizing pandemic-forged mental health strategies & focusing my pursuits from mastery to purpose & my recent 70-day sabbatical, this is everything I know about how to recharge and savor my time away from the office.

This post is for anyone contemplating some time away from work - from an afternoon away to a recharge week to a full-on sabbatical.  It’s designed around the concepts of savoring, Flow, gratitude, embracing play, and being present.  It explores the best way that the halo of happiness extends well after the return to work.

Before we begin, you should get in the right headspace: this guide is designed around maximizing your own happiness and giving you space to explore what YOU need. We’ll layer your team, your boss, your loved ones, and others and their needs too as we go on. We all have important ways people are depending on us; this guide gives you the grace to also focus on yourself.

Did you give yourself that permission? Great!

I’ve organized this post into three chapters: Pre-Launch, During The Break, and Reentry - with 3-4 tips for each chapter.

Let’s go!

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🚀​Pre-Launch: Before You Start

There is no need to wait to reap the benefits of your time off until the day it begins.  You can extend the value of your time off by savoring it beforehand with some pre-thinking.  But how much preparation should you do for your time off? How do you plan without over-constraining yourself?

1. 🕰️​ Decide on a clock speed

Are you stepping away from work?  Or are you really just stepping away from the concept of intensity?  Or perhaps you just want more autonomy but your gut is telling you “Get Stuff Done” is still a required part of the recharge?   Here is a very simple guide:

For my recharge week in 2021, I set the dial right in the middle.   I wanted to incorporate some giving and donations into my week (Get Stuff Done) and I also wanted to step away and relax (a metaphorical beach).

For my 70-day sabbatical, I hit the dial hard to the left.  That was more about fundamentally resetting my approach to intensity and creating new durable mindfulness habits. My burning desire to create TODOs lists was like a little devil on my shoulder that I needed to keep in check.

There is no right or wrong – but being intentional helped me be more creative about the time and the act of deciding gave me power.

2. 📜​ Create a menu, not a list of commitments

If you create a list of commitments you want to get done, you are setting yourself up for grief at the lost opportunity at the end of your time off when you don’t get it all finished.  

Instead, try a menu of options. 

For my sabbatical, I tried 4 big themes with options within them.   My four themes were:

I figured these out ahead of time based on who I know I am and where I want to go. I then tried them on during the time off to see what fit. Here are the details on each:

💪​​Be Healthy: Both mind and body.   Meditation, long-distance running, health gadget exploration, supplements. 

• The gift I hoped to give myself: I’m turning 40 this year and want to be in the best shape of my life for it.

✒️​Be Creative:  For me, that’s writing.   I had a couple book ideas in the hopper, and one book I’m in the middle of molding.

• The gift I hoped to give myself: I’m exploring durable creative passions outside of work as part of my larger purpose.

🤔Be Curious:  Reading history, exploring Masterclasses, trying new things like surfing.

• The gift I hoped to give myself: Academia was one of the things I mastered best in my early life.  I am bringing back into my life a spirit of learning and a love of history.

​🤗Be Connected:  Connecting in new ways with people I’m close to.  Taking fun trips.

• The gift I hoped to give myself: My personality recharges by being alone, yet so much of what enables joy and savoring is enhanced by being around others.

Each of these were aligned to an outcome – but not to be achieved by the end of the time off. Instead, I created themes of what I wanted to get done over the next year or even decade. 

3. 📚​ Ask people what to read and listen to

I find an empty content queue stressful. Instead of being curious or relaxing, I’m hunting. I get a deep sense of satisfaction when I have a list of podcasts, books, and audiobooks at the ready before my time off begins.

I’ve found this is a great task to crowdsource - people wanted to help me recharge and this enabled friends to be part of my experience with a book recommendation or new app to try.

Here are a few recs from me:

• Some really great Science Fiction: Mind benders & page turners

• A list of my favorite podcasts & newsletters

• Three great non-fiction books to understand what’s going on in 2022

4. 😍​ Check in with your spouse and loved ones

This might be the time in your life when you are on a different schedule and mindset wavelength with a significant other than any other period. Let that sink in for a moment.

I decided to name and tame that before my sabbatical began. Helen worked during my sabbatical – indeed, she’s thriving at a growth-stage startup in a critical role at the company.   Both our kids were in school.   This was a different situation than almost anyone else I’ve talked to who has taken a sabbatical; most took the time when the rest of their family could snap to it.  I kept up my share of the running of the household even as I replaced work hours with my sabbatical pursuits.  Helen and I had an intentional conversation about this – she was incredibly supportive of ensuring I got what I wanted out of the break.  On the flip side, I didn’t “disappear” for 70 days; quite the opposite - the point was to be more present.

At the end of the day, we needed to work together to rebalance with an intentional awareness of the circumstances.   This is something that has been a huge theme in our 10+ years of marriage: 

Mind the Beet

Celebrating 10 years of marriage

👋 Hi there! Helen and Adam here! Welcome to the 27th episode of our Mind The Beet newsletter. We’ve talked about changing jobs, taking time off to recharge, what’s worked best for us to manage our calendars at work, how to hire a nanny, experience with a…

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5 years ago · 4 likes · Adam Harmetz and Helen H.

🙏​ During The Break: Achieving Zen State

If you are committed to this next break feeling more restorative than any you have taken before, the key is to look inside yourself, not at external stimuli. It doesn’t matter what you do and where you go - it matters that you can work your mindset. This is just another muscle to train and here are my tips on how to get there.

1. 🏖️​ Embrace Kairos time: Being in the moment

Stay with me here – this is one of the most important concepts to understand.   The Ancient Greeks had two concepts of time: Chronos and Kairos.  Chronos is our ordinary concept of time – regimented and organized by a clock, it’s a linear progression.  In Chronos time, the clock rules you.   Kairos is about being in the moment and using judgment and awareness to not miss the most expedient course of action.  It’s nonsequential and is more creative, engages more parts of the brain, and is more recharging.   Kairos time seems plentiful; there is no hurry.   Being in Kairos time is a way of fully enjoying a pause, being creative on a project, or reflecting.  

Other cultures have these dual concepts of time – Japanese culture has Ichi-go ichi-e (roughly translated as “being in the moment”) or conversely Kala is a Sanskrit word used to represent time as the unmovable destroyer of all things.

The best moments in my time off were Kairos time: my unbounded morning coffee and reading time when I no longer had a place to be next, being in the flow of writing such that I don’t know how long I was doing it, or becoming totally present with my youngest daughter as I took her skiing instead of sending her to school. My number one piece of advice for an extended time off: don’t wear a watch. ⌚

Protip: Kick off a break without going anywhere: It was my first two weeks of sabbatical where I embraced Kairos the most - before I started traveling. I’ve taken to calling these first two weeks my “stay-battical,” time spent at home focused on transitioning into recharge mode.

2. 🍬​ Avoid junk food recharges. Live the value of healthy mindfulness and don’t worry about the habit yet.

Before I started my sabbatical, I fantasized about the time I would spend binging Netflix.  However, until I ended up getting on an airplane for a long flight many weeks into the sabbatical, I didn’t watch one episode of TV.   I spent the time being curious to learn about something new, practicing new mindfulness techniques, or long-distance running.

It’s not that Netflix or scrolling social media is bad, and give yourself the grace if that’s where Kairos time takes you at first. But if you are really embracing Kairos and being in the moment to figure out what will give you the most joy, you can almost always find something more refreshing than binging. If you are listening, that is.

One of the issues I really struggled with as I replaced brainless TV with mindfulness is that it’s way frickin’ easier to practice mindfulness when you have few distractions in your life.  There was no way I was going to build a permanent mindfulness habit unless I was practicing during my full work time.  Would any of this practice pay dividends over the long term?

My approach here was to overfill my cup finding value in the practices. I tried to leave myself with an indelible impression that I’ll remember.  This motivated me upon my return to get back to that anchor point, even as there was hard work to do to incorporate it into my regular routine.

Protip: If these notions of mindfulness and Kairos time and savoring moments are intimidating, I can’t recommend enough Dr. Santo’s free Coursera class on the Psychology of Happiness. It’s like a warm hug to your mental wellness. Dr. Santos explains to you what you already feel but couldn’t articulate - what science says is key to sustained happiness. She gives an overview of the field of Positive Psychology - how science can help relatively healthy and well-adjusted folks vs. focusing on pathologies - and it is chock-full of wonderful little nuggets of wisdom.

One of the things that brought me the most joy was hearing my kids ask “What did you learn about happiness today?” at the dinner table and I could share some study or insight that was approachable to them.

3. 📰​ Keep a Journal and Time Card

Here’s how I spent my time on my sabbatical across my major menu themes per week:

In this, I can see when I focused on my book pursuits or did a travel week or the constant drumbeat of my marathon training. I’m super proud of this memento from my time off. It’s just as precious as the photo albums and ticket stubs.

It’s a pain to journal.  I’ve started the habit before only to fall off the wagon. But I stuck with it throughout my entire sabbatical.   Not only did it help me capture the time for future-me, but it helped me process the big and small moments. It was a daily reminder to work on building my mindset muscle and was a mark of how time passed for me.

Here is the Notion template I used for journaling during my sabbatical:

Flow & gratitude & play + my core themes of health, curiosity, connection, and creativity were just enough self-reflection on how I spent my time without creating guilt over progress. 

4. 🤗 Trips with special people are more important than special places

Yes, we went on several family trips together as an entire family during my sabbatical.  They were awesome.  But I also took each of my daughters on a 1:1 trip.   Helen and I explored Seattle on a “play hooky” day. I traveled to New Orleans with just my parents.  

Many people use time off or extended sabbaticals to do a mega-trip with their family.   It’s a great idea and there is a reason it’s common.  It is a pre-packaged reset of the schedule and priorities and since the entire family comes along, it removes many constraints that come from existing routines.

There’s no wrong answer, but I appreciated the diversity of configurations to whom I was with. I also think had I done the mega-trip, the awe of the travel itself would have left me more on auto-pilot about my mindset - my approach created intentionality.

I’m glad I stretched myself around whom I was with as much as where I was going.

🔥​ Reentry: Reintegrating with the Normals

One of my proudest moments of the year is that I had zero grief when my sabbatical ended and it was time to return to work. It was the closing of an epic chapter but it was time to move forward. I was eager to apply my new mindset at work, rebalance with my family, and harvest what I learned about myself. It felt different than most other vacations in that I felt prepared for what was coming instead of sad about any time lost.

I have had grief in my first three weeks of being back to the routine as putting my ideas into practice fell short of my hopes. It’s hard to reintegrate and this is where practicing your mindset in the middle of a busy life is difficult. Many people have reminded me to give myself a lot of grace during this period and I am - it’s a crucible, not a single moment of magic.

Here are my thoughts on reintegration so far:

​1. ⚠️​ Be prepared for shocks different than what you feared

Everyone who has taken extended time off always told me “Good luck with the reentry!” often accompanied by a sly smile.  I was curious what I was getting myself into but wasn’t really sure.

My experience was that it was very easy to pick back up with the details of the work.  I work on a product called SharePoint and I joked to people that upon my return, I remembered that the P was capitalized.   My knowledge of the state of play and product wasn’t rusty. That reduced a fear I had significantly.

Secondly, it took about 2.5 weeks, but readjusting to the pace and intensity level was doable but required a build-up.  Upon the advice of my boss, I eased back into things.  It was almost like an extra week of time off – a liminal state where you get to immerse yourself in the pace and flow but take no accountability yet.  That really helped with that form of shock.

What surprised me the most and gave me the most culture shock was the influx of negativity and tradeoffs back into my life.  I went 70 days with zero negativity in my life during the sabbatical.  At work, don’t get me wrong, not all negativity is bad.   Some of it certainly is (as a colleague told me recently, that’s what the money is for), but saying “this isn’t good enough” or “your team needs to grow in this way” is an essential part of the creative process.   This is the area where I completely lost my thick skin and needed to regrow it.

2. 😊​ You can be a new you. Give yourself a motto upon your return.

Part of the joy of an extended break was that I got to be intentional about how I showed up to people upon my return.  There was an easy narrative that there was a “New Adam” and I got to write for folks the role I wanted to play.

I wrapped up all my newfound love of mindfulness with where I needed to grow as a leader into this pithy statement:

I talked about the details on this LinkedIn post (hey – if you click through that, do me a favor and follow me on LI!).  The mantra reminded me why I’m here (do hard things), how I want to show up (in a calm way), and gets me focused on partnering with others again (with me).

3. 📅​ Plan the next break

You will find a newfound love of breaks and time off.   What before was a nice-to-have will feel like, at the end, a required part of how you grow.   Take time in your final days off to plan your next break.  2-4 months from the end of the current one is a great rule of thumb.  It’ll give you something to look forward to and I guarantee, if you’ve embraced Kairos time and are therefore being more creative and in the moment, it will certainly be something you naturally gravitate towards wanting to do.

🌌​ Wrapping Up

In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, they build a giant machine and spend thousands of years to figure out the answer to life, the universe, and everything: It’s 42. The kicker is: what’s the question?

No field guide can provide that. Stepping away from intensity, finding newfound creativity in Kairos time, and resetting your own self-worth by not focusing on delivery, outcomes, and TODO checklists has got to be part of the equation, though. It’s much larger than just how to spend some time off but delves into an experiment in internal and intrinsic motivation vs. external pressures. It’s a lot harder to figure out what you really want vs. serving the needs of something or someone else. Guess there is a reason Douglas Adam’s book cover says “Don’t Panic.”

Do hard things in a calm way with me.

Over the last six months, Hannah and I sat down for three 10-minute conversations about the topics I care about most — and frankly, the ones that don’t get talked about enough: what it really feels like to travel for work as a mom, how to keep your head above water when you’re managing a big career and a full life, and how to return to work after parental leave without losing yourself in the process.

Whether you’re in the thick of it or just want to feel less alone in the juggle — these episodes are for you.

🎙️ Listen: My 3-episode series on De-Stress the Nest

Ep. 60 – How to Ditch the Travel Mom Guilt For anyone who has ever texted home from a hotel room at 9pm to check on bedtime. We talk about how to actually let go while you’re away — and why your family can thrive even when you’re not physically there.

Ep. 66 – Top 3 Tips for Working Parents My three most-used strategies for making working parenthood feel sustainable rather than like constant survival mode — including how to implement a weekly night off.

Ep. 73 – Returning to Work After Parental Leave This one is a marathon, not a sprint. I came back from leave twice, and both times it was hard and a relief all at once. If you’re in this season — or supporting someone who is — this episode is for you.

A Plug for Household Management

If you’re at a point where you’re thinking about outsourcing some of the household management mental load, do it. I’ve had both an in-person household manager and a virtual one, and the relief is real. It’s one of the best investments I’ve made in my own sanity as a working parent.

Which is also why I was so excited to be on Hannah’s podcast in the first place. She’s not just a great host — she’s a busy working mom of three who built Heron House Management because she lived this problem herself. If you’re curious about what virtual house management actually looks like, her company is worth a look.

📖 From the Mind the Beet archive — the posts that inspired these conversations

✈️ Work Travel and Mom Guilt

🏡 Building a Modern Village

7️⃣ Seven Pieces of Advice for Parents Returning to the “Office” After Parental Leave

Skyjo

Age range: 7+

This is a simple to play game that allows socializing while playing. It involves a lot of luck with just a bit of skill as you try to improve an array of cards in front of you, turn by turn.

This has been the house favorite for the past three weeks for us.

Strangely not available on Amazon - but was in Target.

Just One

Age range: 7+

This is a fun and hilarious cooperative game where everyone but one person writes one word that describes a given clue. If there are any duplicates, the dupes are removed and whatever remains is used for the odd person out to guess.

For instance, last night we were playing and I got the clues “Titanic” “Plumbing” and “Water.” The answer was “sink.”

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C4BFWV2R

Don’t L.L.A.M.A.

Age range: 5+

A fun, simple “get rid of your cards first” game. It’s played out over multiple rounds with a fun mechanic of being able to reduce your score by a lot if you do well in a future round.

Plus, there are cards with llamas on them.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07W8ZL5M7

For Sale

Age range: 10+

For slightly older kids and adults, this is a two-phase game. In phase one, you bid in an auction to collect as many high value properties as possible. In phase two, you sell your properties for the highest amount.

A bit of math. A bit of strategy. A bit of bluffing and bidding. It only takes one round of play - about 10 minutes - to get the concept, so the quick cycle time is a great feature.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001PQLNY0

Bonus: For Even Younger Kids

While we’ve aged out of these, for the 4-6 age range it’s worth checking out Sleeping Queens, Yeti in my Spaghetti, and Skip-bo

Extra Bonus: For Adults

With friends, we’ve been playing Antiquity Quest, Listography, and Sheriff of Nottingham.

For about four months, the team has been planning an event that marks the moment, including:

• Public previews of new user experiences and AI enhancements to the product.

• A digital event that recognizes the community & announces these new product enhancements.

• Blogs, demo videos, and website updates to reframe the product for the new era.

• An employee event to celebrate as a team & a smaller founders’ dinner to bring together the original builders with the current leadership.

You can view a recording of the digital event here:

Marking these milestones is an important part of building a resilient product and ecosystem. And launching product and managing digital events is a skill we’ve been building capabilities around for years within my organization, in tight partnership with design and marketing.

Here are 10 tips for any product leader sculpting a product announcement event.

Tip #1: Respect the fans

When we started planning for the event, our first principle was that we didn’t want to turn the event into an ad for our product. There were 25 years of history – careers built, events attended, projects launched on top of our platform – to recognize. And a vibrant community that is embracing new ways of working.

To recognize this, we started our digital event with a huge thank you to the community and showed a preview of a movie we are producing called “Beyond the Code” that gives voice to the community and puts people at the center of the storytelling.

Tip #2: Balance the past and future with intention

We also had a principle that we wanted the moment to look forward – to the next 25 years. After some debate, we landed on a goal of 80% looking forward, 20% recognizing where we’ve been. We baked this into how we thought about the event, for instance with its primary graphic: A tagline all about the future, with some graphics that nod to history and the moment:

We also turned the birthday into an engineering delivery milestone – ensuring new innovations were ready to be announced on the day. This allowed us to lay down a clear vision framework, back it up with new product releases, and generate buzz about what’s new. I was happy to see that attendees anchored on the future in their social recaps:

Tip #3: Show, not tell

People love stories and they love seeing things in action. They don’t love having things described to them. So, another principle we lived by for this event is to “show not tell.” This came out in two flavors.

First, where possible, customers shared their scenarios - in their own words. It was intentional that we closed our live broadcast with customer testimonials.

Second, when we had a choice, we let the product speak for itself vs. telling people about the product. For instance, our design and video production team produced an “Anthem” video, a 2-min tour that shows the product at its best:

Tip #4: Explain your product in basic terms

One thing missing from v1 of our event script that we caught during the review process was a simple restatement of what people hire our product to do. We were so focused on the new product announcements that we didn’t put ourselves in the shoes of the audience enough.

This reminds me of this graphic by John Cutler (who runs a great product Substack called The Beautiful Mess):

Our fix was simple - before getting into the product news on the live broadcast, my design counterpart and I spent the time synthesizing the top 3 major use cases for the product, told through customer examples.

Tip #5: Deliver different content, tuned to various audiences

It was a relatively last-minute decision for us to split our blog strategy into two: My boss would have the byline on a short post on a primary Microsoft blog that was designed to garner some press attention. I would be the assigned author for a long and detailed post designed for our community and current customers. (Fun fact: Those blog posts are written by a team of a dozen of us across marketing, product & design, despite a single byline on the post itself).

This type of audience bifurcation is important to maximize reach – and it also inspires the best content ideas because you aren’t trying to make everything appeal to everyone.

For instance, an engineering leader on the team wrote a technical deep dive on our new AI architecture. The post isn’t for everyone - it’s by a dev for devs to read - but that type of “long tail” content can connect with a reader in a stronger way than the high-level content.

The extended content should relate back to the main points you are trying to get across. In this case, this technical deep dive enabled us to explain that the AI functionality we delivered was only possible because of the latest frontier AI model advancements of the past few months, reinforcing that customers can draft behind the latest advancements by using the product.

Tip #6: Simplify momentum & customer stories

One truth I’ve learned is that the toughest paragraph of the blog post is almost always the first one. There are three goals when deciding how to start a product announcement blog:

• Establish credibility and momentum for the product

• Speak in the language of customers & reference their successes

• Cement the narrative of how the product and the announcements are part of a larger story.

Here’s where we ended up with our most recent launch:

Tip #7: Have clear calls to action (CTAs)

Early on when you are planning an event, write down exactly what you want audience members to do after they attend the show. For instance, our CTAs were:

• Turn on the public previews of the new feature announcements in your Microsoft 365 tenant

• Participate in a hackathon to see what you can build on the platform

• Share your story and history of the product, to recognize the moment

• Join us at the upcoming Microsoft 365 Community Conference in April.

Oftentimes, teams get so caught up in describing the new feature or announcements that they leave CTAs as an afterthought. If you bake it in up front, you can tailor your content strategy. For instance, I mentioned our hackathon is the very first sentence of our detailed blog post. And we held the final version of our community video to premiere at the upcoming conference, allowing us to reinforce the conference during our broadcast.

Tip #8: Establish a quality bar

These product launch events are just like weddings - they can be planned in a day, or they can be planned in a year. They will fill whatever time you give it.

Ensure the workback time is well spent - especially by setting a quality bar, giving clear guidance on how far from the finish line something is, and in general setting a culture of going the extra mile. It’s an important tone to set “from the top” early on in the workback.

I talk about this in my recent essay on how to edit work:

The editing to be done here can be both big & small.

Example of big: I decided a week before the event that our customer testimonials weren’t strong enough, and I asked the team to go hunt for more.

Example of small: I sweated every detail of the blog post, for instance ensuring we never take possessive ownership over the product or customers (i.e. it’s never “our customers” or “our product”). And I ask for a “de-jargon” pass - removing insider terms or non-humanistic language.

Tip #9: Make each member of the cross-functional team feel seen

One of the best things about these events is that it brings every discipline in the product making process together in a way that let’s everyone see others doing their best work - and stresses that so much of enterprise software is more than just the code written. For instance:

• Product: Putting customer scenarios at the center of demos, landing schedules, evangelizing the news

• Marketing: Simplifying the complex, aligning to bigger narratives and missions, attaching to larger funnels.

• Design: Leading how the product is showcased, co-delivering the messages, graphics & swag elevation

• Engineering: Delivering on time, describing the architecture and tech bets.

• Community organizers: Collecting fan feedback, nurturing watch parties, attaching to community events.

• Customer experience PMs: Finding customer case studies, synthesizing statistics from previews

• Data science: Synthesizing evidence to support the message, assessing readiness to launch

• Chief of staff and executive assistants: In person event execution, decorations, logistics, and keeping everything running smoothly

• Event producers: Setting a bar for production quality, owning the workback, preparing on screen talent

• Video producers: Visual narrative, polish, production quality

There is a member of my LT who drove this event as the primary event producer - she’s been in tech for decades but has a degree in film. It was so fun to see her in her element - fully activated by what she loves to do and what she does well.

It’s a great reminder that certain work activities - especially those with a “big day” to lead up to - are fantastic for helping a team bond and celebrate a shared success.

Tip #10: Have fun

It can be so easy to get caught up in the workback, deadlines, unexpected hiccups, and urgent review cycles. It’s important for you as the product leader to navigate through this with a sense of levity, celebration, and gratitude. Breath. Recognize the work. Remind people what a privilege it is to have people who are interested in the product you create. Have fun.

In that vein, I’ll leave you with our blooper reel:

As a Russian immigrant who arrived in the U.S. at age 10, I didn’t grow up with Girl Scouts. I did not know what a Thin Mint was until well into adulthood. So when my oldest was in kindergarten, and another mom asked whether she wanted to join a troop, I said yes, mostly out of curiosity — and out of a desire not to miss a piece of Americana.

Six years later, Girl Scouts has become a defining part of our family rhythm. I now lead my younger daughter’s troop and serve as a Service Unit Manager, supporting other troop leaders in our area. I do this because I have learned that:

Girl Scouts isn’t just about badges or cookies. It’s an early, accessible, community-powered leadership lab for girls. Michelle Obama agrees:

Especially immigrant parents often ask me: What do you like about Girl Scouts? Why should I sign my daughter up? And does she really have to sell cookies?

1. Helping Girls Find Their Voice, Confidence and a Sense of Belonging

Leadership begins with voice: knowing you have one, practicing using it, and trusting that it matters.

Girl Scouts creates intentional moments for this:

– A shy girl learning to greet a customer at a cookie booth

– A group of 8-year-olds negotiating who sleeps on which bunk at camp

– A 12-year-old stepping up to facilitate a game for younger girls

These are small, low-stakes interactions, but they accumulate. A troop of same-age girls creates belonging, and an additional circle of friends outside school gives kids a safe space to try on new versions of themselves.

A recent survey found that only 34% of elementary, 45% of middle school, and 42% of high school students report feeling a sense of belonging at school — meaning more than half of students do not feel connected or “at home” in their school community.

One of my favorite parts is the built-in mentorship pipeline. Younger girls look up to older Scouts who help lead meetings; older girls become counselors, program assistants, and role models. Watching a group of 6-year-olds hang on to every word of a 14-year-old facilitator tells you everything about what leadership feels like to a teenager: empowering, respected, and confidence-building.

For many girls, this is their first experience practicing influence — the heart of leadership — without adult pressure or performance expectations.

2. Learning Outdoor Skills and Building Independence

Camps, archery, fire building, climbing walls, knife safety — Girl Scouts offers a unique blend of outdoor skills that many girls simply don’t encounter elsewhere.

My girls have done both day camps and overnights, and the skill-building is noticeable, especially when they are more comfortable with these opportunities in school situations later. My kids have come back a little bit braver, more curious, more capable, and independent each time.

There is something powerful about a girl realizing, “I can do hard things. I can take care of myself. I can try something new.”

As a troop leader, it is an honor to witness, and as a leadership and executive coach, I see these moments as formative for future leaders because they have to first and foremost believe in themselves.

3. A Built-In Culture of Service and Contribution

Every troop I’ve encountered weaves community service into its year: donating cookie proceeds to a food bank, caroling at senior homes, writing cards for the military, organizing drives.

At its core, Girl Scouts teaches:

Leadership is not about authority; it’s about responsibility and impact.

As girls grow older, service awards become more structured (Bronze, Silver, Gold), and these can make a meaningful difference in high school and beyond. But even at age 8 or 9, the idea that my actions can help others is deeply grounding.

My troop of 3rd graders has sung carols at Senior Living facilities, donated food, toured food banks, packed snacks for kids facing food insecurity, and more.

FAQs I Hear Most Often — With My Takeaways

What’s the time commitment?

This varies by troop. Ours meets once a month for 90 minutes, plus one monthly outing or service event.

My take: It’s like any extracurricular — you’ll get the most value if your child attends regularly. When Girl Scouts becomes the “optional add-on,” kids miss context and connection, which makes it less fun.

What do parents have to do?

Most troops have two leaders plus supporting roles like treasurer or cookie parent. Families rotate snacks and occasionally chaperone.

My take: It’s far less demanding than a sports team, but still a community effort. Offering to help, even in small ways, goes a long way.

What does it cost?

There’s a $65 annual membership fee (some troops require parents to join as well as troop helpers). Younger troops typically ask parents to chip in for badges, uniforms, and activities ($150–$200/year). As girls get older, they use fundraising (primarily through cookie sales) to pay for their experiences.

My take: Costs decrease over time as girls take more ownership of troop funding.

Do we have to sell cookies?

Short answer: No — but most troops do because it’s the easiest way to finance activities.

In our area, cookie booths run for about three weekends in late February and early March. Of the $6 per box, around 75–90 cents goes directly to the troop; the rest goes to council programming, camp properties, and statewide initiatives.

My take: I was skeptical at first. But I watched my daughter learn how to greet adults confidently, handle rejection gracefully, set a goal, and celebrate progress. The prizes are gimmicky, but the skills are valuable and transferable.

Link to help my 8-year-old meet her goal (she will deliver if you are in the greater Seattle area, but there is also a shipping option or just a straight donation to our military & Northwest Harvest).

How to Join

1. Check your local council’s website (in Washington: GSWW). Finding an open troop can be hit-or-miss.

2. Ask parents at your school or post in a local Facebook/NextDoor group.

3. Start your own troop — truly not as intimidating as it sounds. Councils love helping new troops launch.

Closing Thoughts

Girl Scouts isn’t perfect, and it isn’t for every family. But for many girls, it offers rare and meaningful practice reps in the very skills we want tomorrow’s women leaders to have: confidence, community, service, voice, and independence.

So if you see a girl selling cookies outside a grocery store this month, stop by — even just to say hello. A kind interaction goes further than you think. You are witnessing the earliest steps of a young leader learning to stand tall, make eye contact, speak clearly, and believe in herself.

And that’s something worth supporting.

Giving feedback with situational awareness and consistency is a complex skill - it’s helpful to have a name for it. I call it embracing an Editor’s Mindset. In a newsroom, journalist writes articles - it’s their name on the byline. Yet the newsroom editor plays a critical role - establishing standards, connecting the big picture, and owning the tiebreaker when necessary.

As 2026 is now at full speed, I’ve found myself needing to be an editor of key work - product strategies, exec presentations, budgets, marketing pillars, conference logistics. It’s got me reflective on what I’m like when I’m at my editorial best. Here’s a few things I try to keep in mind.

Nudge towards a team outcome

Your job as an editor is not to share the right answer - it’s to drive the right behavior so that the team self-owns the path forward. First, decide on the outcome you want - how you want the team to act, the final product success, the alignment among disciplines in the organization. Then, with that outcome in mind, figure out the right feedback that will nudge the team in the right direction.

Example: If I know a cross-team dependency will be tricky, I will ask “Is the other team onboard yet?” and offer to make intros to cross-team leaders. I do this instead of listing all the gotchas I think might exist. The outcome is to build the x-team bonds and let the team discover, own, and work the issues.

Tailor to the receiver

The best feedback is tailored to the people receiving it. How do they like to receive feedback? How blunt do you believe you can be? Does a certain discipline respond better to certain language? This often requires a “stop and pause” moment in yourself - to not only think about the outcome and your insights, but how to phrase them in a way that’ll be best received.

Example: I’ve got colleagues who I know need validation before feedback. I’ve got others who prefer blunt 1:1’s to hash things out, as they believe conflict breeds conviction. Some of my team prefers to be told what I want them to do; others prefer loose operational guidelines. And for new people to the organization, I try to provide more context than normal to frame the rationale behind a suggestion. Rather than one specific example, the point is to go through the editorial process with recognition on how to speak to each person in a way that’ll have the most impact.

Less is more

There is a “Schrodinger’s cat” element to feedback: If you give a second piece of feedback, it impacts and often dilutes the first piece of feedback that you give. Lots of feedback can muddy the water - or leave the most important feedback hidden. Sometimes your role is to leave line-level comments on a document, but don’t let that be the only altitude you work at.

Example: One tactic I use in some situations is to limit myself to two or three top nuggets of feedback. It forces me to prioritize and home in on what I hope will be the biggest unlock.

Uplevel the storytelling

The role of an editor involves giving advice on how to frame and deliver the story. Beyond just the ideas themselves, an editor gives feedback on the way it’s communicated to stakeholders. It’s good to have intentionality on when you are giving feedback about the ideas/plans/goals and when you are giving advice on how to communicate it.

Example: One phase I use often is, “I think we are aligned on the goal - now let me give you some thoughts on how we can best communicate it to stakeholders.” I’ve established a contract on my team that I often rely on them for the best ideas, and they can rely on me to know the dynamics of the company well enough to know the best way to sell it.

Force the team to use first principles

Most meetings jump ahead to focus on the “problem being discussed today” or “to recap last time, now we only have to dig into these remaining issues.” This approach is often efficient and useful.

However, there is another tactic I see used frequently, especially by very senior and busy execs. They intentionally broadcast ignorance about a topic - even if they’ve met on it before - to force the subject matter expert to explain it from first principles. A cousin to the ELI5 communication style (Explain It Like I’m Five Years Old), this forces a presenter to think about the assumptions they are making and do the prep work to be able to communicate the end-to-end picture to someone smart and on their side, but not deep.

Example: We have quarterly strategy reviews with higher management and often I show run them on behalf of the team. Explaining our product and strategy to busy people who have not been in the weeds with us is a gift. Every time, we use it as an opportunity to hone the craft of explaining what our product is hired to do & de-jargonify our presentation style.

Give a grade

Part of the job of the editor is to give clarity on how far away from the finish line the work is. Great editors learn to give a grade that is not about judgment but is rather an empathetic signal to the team about expectations. Many people struggle with this because friends don’t give friends grades. But an editor is not a friend. So, it’s a recognition that you have to use your authority to drive clarity in a way only you can.

Example: I have two methods for this. First, if appropriate, I give letter grades - especially if it’s not about an individual document but rather collective effort (e.g. “Collectively, we’ve done a B+ job of embracing industry standards here.”). If it’s about a particular work product, I use a % complete assessment - “What I saw today feels about 60% complete, you’ll get there once you address X and Y.”).

Use rituals to give feedback early

The most stressful type of feedback is the feedback that comes too late - the type of feedback that is right but costly because it requires the team to unwind things that have already been put in motion.

A “culture of safe, early feedback” is a norm you can set as an editor using rituals and operating rhythms. Official pre-reviews. Core Design Sessions. Repeatable Budget Reviews. Well-run teams don’t hide behind “needing to move fast” to skimp on the feedback forums that set norms.

Example: Our org sets an expectation that important work will need multiple forums to hone the idea. We codify “pre-reviews” and “hot issues” to work something urgent and set expectations that ideas are not final in those forums. Likewise, we have official forums for reviewing final plans, to give that sense of completion and sign off.

Wrapping up

Embracing an editor’s mindset is different than mentorship, as it is fundamentally about being “in the arena” with the team and co-developing strong plans and work product. But it shares a lot of characteristics - often it’s about teaching, not telling, and it involves removing the ego from your communications. It’s one of the most powerful ways you can signal that you care about a culture of high performance.

Give it a try - especially if you catch yourself seagulling.

Establishing this tradition has involved a lot of decisions, tradeoffs, and equipment purchases to ensure it is something the whole family enjoys. Here’s the downlow.

What’s our philosophy?

Young kids don’t always mix well with cold/uncomfortable boots/uncontrolled speed/busy lodges/heavy things to carry. Yes, skiing is a sport - but we prioritized “learning to love skiing” and a positive association with a ski day. We trusted that with more time on the slope, the kids will progress at the right rate - our job was to give them the right structure and importantly do a few things to ensure they are having fun. Here’s a few examples:

• Candy: We always carry chocolate or soft candy (nothing they can choke on) while on the slopes. This is a tradition picked up from my family ski trips when I was young. This bending of the normal rules - candy every time we ski! - was a big motivator to start and helped establish skiing as something special for the family.

• Parents should carry the kids’ skis from the parking lot - for the first year: This is an example of the “progressive disclosure” part of getting kids to enjoy skiing. Some parents seem to take it as a learning moment to force the youngest of kids to carry their own equipment. We got there - but not in the first year. The priority was ensuring the kids had fun, then layer in all the work needed.

• “Fun runs” with parents: Learning is hard work! Yes, practicing linking turns and pizza/french fries is important - but even more important is that run with me where all of us are finding joy like this is a roller coaster.

The key themes: get them hooked first, fill the day with more fun than learning, and trust that over time nothing matters more towards growing a good skier than time on the slopes.

When to start?

Five years old is the ideal age to start skiing in earnest. Any younger and I think the annoyances (temperatures, boot walking, equipment lugging, et cetera) overwhelms. Older is fine too, but five is a great year to ensure its foundational to their concept of winter vs. an add-on. And the older you start, the more likely you are to have other activities on the weekend (birthday parties, other sports, et cetera) that break the routine.

I think it’s great at age 4 to do one or two “test runs.” Pick a sunny day and just get the kids on skis for a half an hour. Even just a run down from the magic carpet between your legs – give them the thrill of moving downhill.

What’s your approach to equipment?

Kids grow fast, so most ski/boots will last a season and a half at most. Seasonal rentals are a good option – although with two kids skiing and the ability to hand down to the younger sister, it’s almost as cost effective for us to buy. We prioritized a good fit - both in boot comfort and length of ski - it makes a big difference, even if it meant a midseason unexpected equipment purchase.

There are a few non-obvious things you may want to acquire:

Ski Backpack & Guide Ropes

This is a must have. First, it has a handle on the back - essential for picking up a small kid once they have fallen. Second, it can function as a pocket for a backup pair of gloves. Third, it has detachable leashes - these are somewhat controversial (takes up a lot of room on the bunny slopes) and we used them sparingly, but it can be a good alternative to between the legs to get the kids comfortable on the snow.

Ski Tip Connector

Attach these to the front of the kid’s skis to help them learn to keep the skis straight. Many instructors will tell you not to use these and that it can develop bad habits. But again, our philosophy is to enhance the “time until fun” stat and these can help kids experience the thrill of a fun downhill run sooner. We phased them out pretty quickly as they moved on to more advanced skills.

Something Distinctive

We found it was very useful to get the kids something to make them stand out and easy to recognize in a crowd. The Crazee Heads Helmet Covers worked for us - plush covering that fits any ski helmet.

Rocky Talkie

The best on-mountain radios are made by Rocky Talkie - and make sure to get the hand mic attachments. Kids both enjoy learning radio protocol and it’s useful in case of separation or a need to ask someone ahead to stop.

There are other radios - especially those with a lot of social media advertising promising hands free magic AI wind noise reduction like Milo Action Communicator - I do not recommend them as they do not work better than a standard handheld mic like cops use.

Seasonal Lockers

Our local ski resort offers a seasonal locker to store onsite our skis and boots. It’s a bit of a luxury, but it makes trips from the parking lot more pleasant - including for parents. And it reduces the stress of finding a great parking spot.

This is especially useful if you plan to sometimes do other things while kids are in classes - like snowshoe or hanging out in the lodge.

Do you enroll the kids in ski school?

We started the first season with a few one-off group classes, graduating in year two to a weekly ski camp. Ski camps are a win for everyone:

• It created a routine and expectation that we’d go every week.

• We got some time on the non-bunny slopes while the kids were in camp.

• Kids learn faster with a non-parent (and frankly, the non-parent is often more willing to push the kid when they need it).

• Kids push themselves when around other kids.

By year four, we began to question the need to enroll in ski camps - kids were close to being able ski on par with parents. Then it’s time to decide whether to graduate to a ski club or racing team.

How do you spend time with the kids on the slopes?

Before the kids are ready to ski independently, we used three methods to practice getting comfortable on the slopes or linking turns:

• Backpack runs: See above for the kid’s harness/backpack, which comes with leashes that extend about 10 ft. Kids ski first, parent do mostly speed control behind them.

• Between the legs: Not easy on the back, but often the most fun for the kids at first. They can get a feel for turns and the snow.

• By the side holding onto a pole: This is the method that feels most like practice/learning. The kid is skiing beside you holding on to one of your poles, which is held vertically. Used to help them link turns together in nice smooth S shapes.

Create Lasting Memories

My iPhone tells me that I’ve taken 563 photos at our local ski resort over the past six years. We’ve established a family tradition that makes the winter - despite the long, dark days - the favorite season for our kids. And we’ve unlocked the ability to take some fun winter trips to ski destinations.

My maternal grandmother passed away last week. She was a force of nature. At 95, the matriarch of our family is survived by two daughters, four granddaughters, and eight great-grandkids. She lived a complex and full life. Born in 1930, at the age of 10, she lost her parents and sister to the Nazis while she was fortuitously vacationing in Moscow. She lost her husband to brain cancer when she was in her mid-40s, and she agreed to move to another country as an immigrant in her 60s to be with her kids and grandkids.

My grandmother taught me lessons my whole life - quietly, steadily, and stoically. Here are the ones I will remember:

1. Stand on your own two feet - she had no choice but to be self-sufficient from an early age. Her lesson to me is to know how to survive independently. She believed in education, in resourcefulness, and in hard work. She was furious that her daughters dissuaded her from getting a car in her late 60s when she moved to the US because that stifled her independence. When needing to choose if she was going to live on the East Coast or the West Coast (having daughters in both places), she chose the East Coast because public transportation was better and she did not want to be overly reliant on others.

2. Prioritize your health - going hand in hand with being self-sufficient, she always reminded me that taking care of yourself is important and no one but me will prioritize that. She was not shy to point out when she thought I wasn’t looking “good” - whether I had black circles under my eyes or gained weight or just looked tired - she always asked. I used to find that obnoxious, but I also knew that she was always watching me and she cared.

3. Always look the part - my grandma was always impeccably dressed - not flashy, but items that flattered her figure, high quality and met the moment. Her hair was always done, her manicure and pedicure in place and her closet complete (not abundant). She complimented me when I dressed well and pointed out when an outfit was not fit for the occasion.

4. Be happy to hear from people - Whenever I called or visited my grandma, she was always happy to hear and see me. No guilt trips, no exclamations of “I wish you called more” or did more. She was just happy to hear my voice. I’ll miss her big enveloping hugs and her booming voice.

5. Give memorable gifts - my grandmother believed that there is nothing more important than education. Throughout her life, she has contributed to her kids' education funds and ensured every great-grandchild had access to a musical instrument. We have a piano in our home because of her, as do the rest of her granddaughters.

6. Foster relationships that matter - She loved it when we got together as a whole family - we are a loud and boisterous bunch and we don’t always all get along. But seeing everyone together brought her joy. Over the years, the family grew and the conversation at the table got mixed - across Russian and English. And yet, she held presence at the head of the table - listening and observing.

7. Know where you come from - my family is Russian Jewish with a long history of surviving persecution as Jews, Soviet-era atrocities and immigration. She carried these things not as a burden but as knowledge of where you’ve been and where you are going. Always striving for a better life and honoring the past.

8. State your truth - my grandma said all sorts of things throughout my life that I did not want to hear. But what I always knew that she said what she meant and meant what she said. No empty platitudes, no empty promises - just things she believed to be true and that needed to be said.

9. Travel - while Soviet Russia did not really allow for travel, after my grandmother came to the US, she traveled as much as she could. Between the ages of 65 and 85, she went to Israel, Europe, China, and South America. She was bummed that she didn’t make it to Australia and New Zealand.

10. Drive your agenda - my grandma always had a goal and she was going to achieve what she wanted. Never a victim of her circumstances but a careful orchestrator of her life and a matriarch of our family. She never gave up, always looked forward to the next thing and had a why behind her actions. True to her last moments - she wanted to die in her own bed, with dignity, surrounded by her family - and that is how exactly what she did.

In the Jewish tradition, people say “may her memory be a blessing.” Her memory is the biggest blessing. I am honored to be her granddaughter and carry her lessons and spirit with me.

Thematically, in 2026, my word of the year is “believe.” I want to believe that tomorrow will be better than today, that I can grow my own business successfully, and I can be the wife, mom, friend, and daughter that I want to be in this season of my life.

I like breaking my list into categories - so this year’s categories are: solopreneurship, home life, health, & time with people.

Drive Success in Solopreneurship

1. Offer 26 goal-setting sessions to my community - As I continue to grow my business, I’m excited to use January as a way to reconnect with people in my network and help set the year up for success. Link here if you want to learn more. The greatest gift you can give me is to spread the word!

2. Invest in additional coaching training - I’m eyeing iEQ9 Integrative Enneagram Accreditation program so I can expand my offerings to leaders I coach

3. Do a professional photo shoot so that I can revamp my website and use images for social content

4. Post on LinkedIn 2-3 times a week and explore video as a medium

5. Attend 6 start-up product community events in 2026

6. Streamline my business expenses - migrate subscriptions to my business credit card, etc.

Invest in Home Improvements

7. Frame theater posters - my oldest daughter has been performing with Studio East and I’d like to help her remember these shows by framing the show posters.

8. Remodel a closet in my home office - I have been investing in my office space so that it is set up for me to work as a coach and advisor with in person as well as remote clients.

9. Buy a full-size mirror - carry over from last year

10. Update picture frames in our house - currently most of them are 7+ years old and don’t reflect what the kids look like

11. Keep 2-3 small house plants alive this year - I admire homes with living plants in them, but my plants usually die. A friend is helping me find the plants that are not too high maintenance so I can give it a try

12. Replace bath towels in our house - we’ve had the same ones for about 10 years and it’s time for a refresh

13. Get a dog trainer and improve Rainier’s recall behavior as well as get him to love his crate again

14. Schedule a regular dog walker 2-3 times a week

Prioritize Health and Hobbies

15. Take a multivitamin every day - immediately after breakfast

16. Drink ~26 oz of water before breakfast every day

17. Get a massage every 6 weeks

18. Learn to create greeting cards with my Cricut and make 6 birthday cards for my family and friends

19. Win 3 tennis matches in a league this year

20. Move at least 26 minutes a day

Spend Time with People

21. Schedule a monthly date night with Adam

22. Always have a new TV show I am watching with Adam

23. Take a trip to a new country as a family - 🇬🇷 Greece this summer!

24. Donate food, clothes, and toys monthly as a family

25. Host 2-3 game nights with friends

26. Plan a girls’ trip with my friends from my legislative fellowship days

Have a wonderful holiday season and enjoy our “drone shot” of this year’s Christmas Village:

Today, a couple years into the AI Era, I feel ready to talk about how I’m leading through what has been an even bigger change to my team and our industry.

For many of us, the current operating environment is a crucible i.e. a severe test. In the past year, we’ve mix shifted resources on the team from 20% on AI to 50%. That’s half the team producing a new type of software that we have never built before! It’s forced us to relearn, rethink, and retool our production function at the same time as we deliver immediate results to compete with high velocity, AI-born competitors. And stay excellent at the traditional web app development that we’ve been world class at! Throw in layoffs and a return to office mandate that is upending the contract between company and employee across the industry - and we have a full cocktail of operating environment changes.

I know many product leaders feel this exact same angst - maybe you do too! What defined mastery in our profession has changed. I don’t feel like an expert yet, but we have missions and mandates that requires us to perform as experts immediately.

If your job as a product leader this year feels extra stressful, tricky, and prone to imposter syndrome, you are not alone. Read on for my approach on how to rethink leadership during times of change.

Fire & Rehire: An Andy Grove-ism.

One of my favorite stories in the history of tech is how Andy Grove at Intel responded to a changing business environment. Intel’s original product was memory chips and Japanese memory companies were dumping cheap chips on the US market. It was clear that Intel’s entire business needed to change, which lead them to pivot to making CPUs.

Andy Grove realized it wasn’t just the business that needed to change - how he showed up as a leader and the entire culture of the company needed to shift in order to transform from low-cost commodity to high performance computing. As this came into focus, he famously fired himself, physically walked out of his office door, and walked back in with intentionally on how he was going to lead differently.

Navigating the Crucible: Eight Behavior Changes

So what’s my version of walking out and walking back in? I’ve had some time to think about and test a few strategies for what this moment calls for - and I’ve landed on eight behavior changes that I’m holding myself accountable to.

I am naming it to tame it.

One of the biggest tensions of this era is that existing systems weren’t designed for the new environment. It’s important to name that - it provides the motivation for non-linear work. For example, at a recent extended leadership team meeting, I spelled out my worry list, the problems requiring my personal energy, and a list of things that need to change. I got more unsolicited praise for that format of XLT meeting than any other I’ve done in 2025 - people are hungry to see leadership name what’s broken.

I am prioritizing mission clarity.

People are scared - they see promises of AI redefining the different categories of software that exist and they are questioning the longevity of their teams and job. So, I’ve leaned in even more than normal into mission clarity - at the macro level, this means writing down our products’ role in a new world and our core thesis for differentiation. At the micro level, this means creating space for more single-threaded “squads” with a clear single mission and mandate.

I’m wading in the river of online news & learnings.

Social media is the “town hall” of product making & AI news right now - engaging online is table stakes for me as a product leader. Contributing to the conversation is a way to practice brevity and synthesis, and consuming enables me to guide the team towards the latest trends. This is one reason why I upped my LinkedIn presence recently - but X, Substack, and tech podcasts are all critical right now.

I am setting expectations that are always slightly out of reach for the old way of doing things.

This one is critical to the transformation of an existing team - either we set the new bar for excellence, or it gets sets by others (execs above us, competitors, other stakeholders). I know my personal trainer at the gym uses the same philosophy because it creates growth. For example, earlier this year, I created a very busy September for a particular part of the team - a series of aggressive strategy and product reviews that in normal times I would have let spans 2-3 months. But I felt it was important to set a new anchor point, inspiring the team to find creative ways to meet the new bar.

I am staying paranoid about what’s not working.

As leaders, we all decide how much time to spend on problem identification vs. problem solving. During times of change, it’s important for senior leaders to shift the spotlight more to problem identification - asking the team to “bring me problems,” injecting the right amount of entropy to see if plans hold up to questioning, and finding comparisons that expose underthinking. Momentum and consistency are much less important now - that’ll come in the growth stage. This works best when you have an LT (like I do!) who can run the team, leaving me to focus on what might be missing vs. reviewing plans. (Think XO and Captain vibes). Another Andy Grove-ism: “Only the paranoid survive.”

I am assembling the new system, piece by piece.

At Microsoft, we are calling the new way of building product the new “production function.” AI-born startups get the luxury of starting from the latest first principles; we have to retool an already at scale system. This has increasingly become more of my job - weekly x-company meetings on AI accelerators, incorporating Applied Science into the mix, ensuring new aspects of product making like vibe coding prototypes and rigorous AI evals are deployed. Systems thinking about the production function here creates a sense of order in the chaos.

I am empowering the next generation.

I distinctly remember in the early days of the cloud transformation a decade ago, my org leader asked me - an up-and-coming frontline manager at the time - to take point on the strategy for continuous delivery of our cloud software (vs. our 3 year on prem release cycles). Crucibles are a great time to reach out to every level of the organization to solicit ideas and empower solution building. It’s not like the top of the hierarchy has it all figured out anyway!

I am managing burnout - in myself and the team.

My pandemic post on leadership framed this balance between boredom and burnout - the COVID crisis saw people on both sides of the spectrum. The AI transformation is overweighted to burnout - look at my list above: naming what’s broken, relentlessly higher expectations, and paranoia around unknown unknowns. So, I’m watching myself and my team - ensuring we get good breaks to recharge, practicing self-care, and doing what I need to ensure I bring my best self to work.

A New Hope: It’s All A Repeating Cycle

The good news about 2025 - we’ve been here before. The industry is a repeating cycle of technical shock, category recreation, product/market fit, and scale. And while the early stages are more stressful than average for existing products, it’s a well-worn path. And it gives me deep purpose to build resilient software that customers can trust, and an operating environment that adapts so people can do career defining work.

Onwards to the new era!