I Already Got the A—Now What?

Learnings and unlearnings on my coaching journey

When I stepped away from the corporate and tech world in 2024, I wanted this next chapter to be intentional. Pursuing a coaching certification through Hudson Institute of Coaching was my way of investing in myself and my growth, as I sought to answer the question: Who am I becoming in this season of my life?

I expected to learn new tools—coaching frameworks, business development skills, new networks—and I did. But what surprised me was how much growth also came from unlearning habits and beliefs that no longer served me.

I’ve been mentoring and coaching for years, and my experience across tech, startups, and politics is part of what I bring to the table. But to truly support others, I had to let go of ways of working that were once helpful but no longer fit.

As I wrap up my time in the Hudson program, here are the top 3 things I’ve unlearned—and the top 3 I’ve learned.

🛑 Top 3 Unlearnings

Unlearning #1 - I don’t need to get an “A” because I already have it

For much of my life, success was measured by achievement—whether it was a promotion at work or earning top marks in school. It was how I knew I was on the right track.

And by those measures, I’ve earned my “A’s”—in education, in my corporate career, in titles and compensation. But stepping away from that world to take a “power pause” (a term coined by Neha Ruch in her newest book) was a conscious decision to pursue something more fulfilling.

In this new chapter, chasing an “A” isn’t the goal. What excites me more is the question: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

That shift has been incredibly freeing. I now treat my work as a series of experiments. I expect many of them to fall flat—but the ones that take hold will help me discover more of my own potential and, just as importantly, support others in discovering theirs.

Unlearning #2 - I am a great problem solver, but I can do way less of it and get better results

This week my two girls (8 and 11 years of age) got into a massive fight before we needed to leave for sailing camp. My oldest refused to carry a towel for her younger sister. The younger claimed that she could not possibly carry her own towel because her backpack was too small. They were at an impasse with a lot of screaming and crying. Instead of solving this for them, I told them to figure it out in the next 30 minutes. And I walked away. By the time I returned, they proudly told me that this was a silly argument and they had resolved it with a quick game of “rock, paper, scissors.”

They were beaming because they came to this understanding on their own. And there is no way any advice or troubleshooting that I was going to do, was going to be as effective as what they did on their own.

A core belief in coaching is that our clients are resourceful - it was cool to stop myself from solving a problem and see how the kids could do it themselves.

Unlearning #3 - I now try to lean into conversations instead of tuning out when I disagree, am bored or think that I have nothing to contribute.

This is one of the most challenging unlearnings I’ve been practicing. I consider myself to be a great listener, but the fact is, if I disagree (and don’t think it’s worth the discussion) or my job is to listen and not solve a problem, I find myself tuning out and not listening. For years, contributing by talking and doing has been what was most needed to be successful. But as a leader, a coach, and a mom, I need to do a lot more “being,” which means listening and asking questions vs. trying to prove something by talking or doing.

As a result, I am not only becoming a better listener, but am able to become more curious and less triggered about controversial topics (ie, politics). I am able to ask questions like “What really matters to you right now?” which has unlocked greater understanding.

💡 And here are my top 3 Learnings:

Learning #1 - I am exactly where I am supposed to be

I’m in the midst of a joyful and hectic summer and my kids have a different camp every week - so there is a new routine, hard transitions, and a new environment. And every week, I watch my kids go through a mini Odyssey journey. Right before the week starts, there is lots of excitement. The beginning has some lows, the middle is a bit of a slog and the end of camp usually ends on a high (after a last turn of events that keeps us all on our toes). My kids experience the full range of emotions through the arc of their journey. And I remind them that whether they are at the beginning, in the middle or the end, they are exactly where they are supposed to be.

It is the same for me in this chapter of my life - I am nearing the end of the “beginning.” I had the excitement nerves and now the “sunday scaries” of transitioning to the messy and exciting middle as a coach. But I remind myself that I have done transitions before and I am exactly where I need to be.

This is my favorite quote from Hope Floats that sums it up:

Learning #2 - Work less to achieve more

Many years ago, Adam and I went on a hiking and biking 10 person group tour in the Dingle Peninsula in Ireland. I was in my mid-20s and in great shape but the 70+ year olds in our group beat me every day on a bike. I learned that I wasn’t being efficient with my bike gears and was working too hard.

The same has been true in so often in my work life and is true again as I coach clients. When I am racking my head on which question to ask and how to phrase something, I remind myself that I am trying too hard. So much of beign a coach (and a leader) is about being present, listening and asking the simple questions. The hardest work for me has been getting comfortable with awkward pauses and not jumping in with my own experiences and advice but rather helping my clients arrive to the conclusion that is right for them.

Learning #3 - Every interaction does not have to be a coaching session

In the last 9 months, I have improved on so many skills - how to be a great listener, how to sit back and give less advice, how to ask better (and simpler) questions. And then I found myself feeling stuck in day to day conversations with my friends, family, and kids - where I felt like I had to show up as a “coach” and refrain from giving advice or having an opinion.

A few months into my coaching journey, I met with a coach who was farther along in her journey and I started with “I’m sure you won’t give me advice, but I could really use some.” And she reminded me that we did not set up our conversation as a coaching session and therefore we can just talk and share wisdom and advice as needed. It was a relief!

So I am learning that I can still offer advice when needed, I can still tune out of some conversations, and that not everyone wants or needs me to be endlessly curious about them (though many people do really like it). Being me, just as I am is great place to be.

Conclusion

I leave the program with a lot of gratitude, a new set of people who I know are in my corner, and with a feeling of lots of possibilities as I live my next chapter of life in support of the vision I created earlier this year:

As I look forward to the fall, I am taking new clients and if you know someone who could benefit from a partner in their leadership journey, please don’t hesitate to reach out here.