📲 Mindful Parenting for Tech-Savvy Families

This week, I want to talk about our family’s approach to technology (aka screens) in our household. With all the public discourse about the dangers of social media and technology challenges in our society and especially with young kids, it’s an important topic for us. Adam and I both work in tech and love gadgets, so the notion of banning tech or vilifying it in our house is inauthentic and unnatural based on our life. At the same time, we are cognizant that the hardest days are ahead of us as we tackle evolution of AI, social media and our kids increased access to technology.

If your kids are under 10, then this post will be relevant for you, and if you are ahead of us in your journey, we welcome your advice on what’s to come.

Define, communicate, and enforce boundaries.

Most importantly, we talk to our kids about our expectations and boundaries all the time, and technology, gadgets, and AI is part of that conversation. Our hope is that setting this foundation will also help us in the future as things get trickier. Here are the expectations we set:

1. No screens during meals at home or at restaurants - for our family, this is a time when we come together and talk. We protect it for connection time.

2. No screens in bedrooms - our girls both have desks in their rooms, but we have set up a dedicated touch-down space for computer-based homework outside of their bedrooms.

3. TV Apps that our kids are allowed to use are Disney+, Netflix and Amazon Prime. We do not allow unsupervised YouTube because there is too much bite-size content that is hard to pre-screen.

4. There is an expectation that our kids ask us if they are allowed to watch a new TV show or try a new game before they do.

5. Set a timer! When we get concerned that screen time is going to get away from us, we tell the kids how long they have and then set an audible timer so they know (and we know) when time is up. This battery-powered timer is a great option if you are looking for one.

   

Technology works for us, not the other way around

Another important tenet for us is that we use technology to help us accomplish certain goals with our kids, and we let it do that without guilt. Here are a few examples where tech has been an aid:

1. Educational apps are awesome and help with learning

   1. Our oldest has been using Simply Sing to help her prep for theater auditions. It gives her feedback on her pitch, lets her count the bars she needs and, in general has been a quick substitute for a voice coach.

   2. Apps like DreamBox and Lexia (school-sanctioned) have age-appropriate curricula for elementary school kids, and we often purchase access to them over the summer when they don’t get them through school.

2. Subtitles on! There was a recent study done that highlights that watching TV with subtitles helps children with reading.

3. We turn to TV to help us be sane parents. So if we are working on dinner, have a late meeting or want to sleep in on the weekend, our kids are allowed extra screentime. We discuss ahead of time if TV or video games are allowed, and then kids are on their own.

4. We do not limit screen time on airplane rides and long car rides. Adam and I have decided that in these moments, we all do our own activity and we don’t spend the time entertaining our kids.

Being a part of tech evolution is a bigger plus than a minus

We believe that the benefits of technology outweigh the downsides, especially when used purposefully to enhance learning, creativity and stimulate conversation. In today’s world, understanding and staying current with fast moving tech is essential - this was modeled deeply for both Adam and I when we were growing up. Adam built his computer in high school - and he plans to do that with our oldest daughter this fall. I remember the early days of the Internet, my dad tinkering with it and explaining to me that, yes, email does come on the weekends and how it actually works.

I love that we are fostering tech literacy and here are some examples:

Both our girls have played with voice and ChatGPT - they have asked it to generate math problems and fast facts to practice, trivia games when we travel, and periodic philosophical questions about evolutionary theory.

Adam also had fun playing with image generation and wrote about it in his Robots, Art and Kids post - we still have the generated art hanging in their rooms.

Adam and I both play video games with the girls that we enjoy. Adam has introduced them to the world of Zelda (both Tears of the Kingdom and the latest Echos of Wisdom). It was fun to watch them go deep into this world as they also read the Legend of Zelda Encyclopedia and Tears of the Kingdom – The Complete Official Guide). My contribution to this was introducing the girls to Animal Crossing. Both of these games allowed us to have conversations as a family over dinner table and were more than just a transactional way to pass the time.

Recently, our kids organically discovered Minecraft, another fantastic tool which builds problem-solving skills and teaches kids about architecture and resource management, all while letting them play and explore freely.

To summarize, we strive for our daughters to have experiences with technology that challenge them to think creatively, collaborate, and apply knowledge that is additive to traditional learning. The GameEducator on Instagram has amazing content on this topic that I highly recommend you follow if screentime and/or video games are in your future.

Here are some common questions:

At what age did your kids start watching TV?

We started with our oldest after she turned two - which was when she could sit still enough for a 20 minute episode. We watched a lot of Daniel Tiger and Dora the Explorer once or twice a week (Bluey came after this phase for us, unfortunately). We didn’t wait for our second daughter to turn two to let her watch TV, but her attention span readiness developed the same way.

When will you give your kids phones - and will they be smartphones?

We don’t know yet. Our 10-year-old has a Gizmodo Smartwatch that lets her call or text us so we can communicate logistics. This seems to be working so far and the next step will likely be to upgrade her to an Apple Watch because of the robust parental controls. Whether a smartwatch or a phone, we’ll follow a lot of advice that Dr. Becky has outlined on How to Know if Your Kid Is Ready for a Phone - which anchors on clear boundaries, communication, and support for run-ins on the internet.

How much screen time do your kids get daily?

We don’t have a hard and fast rule. The approach we have is that reading, homework, time with friends, chores, all come before screen time. When we have time, we get joy out of watching TV as a family after dinner for 20-30 minutes as our busy schedules allow. We also enjoy having an occasional family movie night on Fridays. Here too, we try to watch TV that lends itself to conversation.

The biggest takeaway here is to use screen time guidelines and then juxtapose it to your reality.

Thanks for reading - drop us a comment with any thoughts or suggestions.