🌸 Mother's Day Retrospective

Focusing on self-care to sustain motherhood

My Enneagram training last week surfaced insights about boundaries and communication—two things that are blocking my ability to actually practice self-care. Turns out, you can't rest if you're always saying yes and never asking for what you need. As a Type 2 (the considerate helper), these were timely reminders that I needed to hear if I want to get out of the trap of being tired and burned out more often than I’d like.

🙅🏼‍♀️ NO is a complete sentence

Defining and sticking to boundaries is harder than ever, especially in this hyperactive season of parenting. My calculus has always been simple: if my child wants to do an activity—a sport, a hangout with friends, a camp—and it can be squeezed in logistically, I say yes. A Girl Scout event and a birthday party after swim practice? Sure, I’ll make it work so my kid doesn’t miss out.

Last weekend, I said no to stacking an extra event on top of an already busy Sunday. Could I have made it work? Technically, yes. But saying no made my day marginally easier—which translated into being less frazzled and impatient on Monday, and actually having time to prepare for the week ahead.

That small shift taught me something: before you say yes to the next thing, ask yourself this question:

What am I saying No to by saying Yes to this ask?

📣 Tell People What You Want

As the Spice Girls remind us: “Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.”

The people closest to me—my partner, my kids, my friends, my colleagues—can’t read my mind. So I’ve learned that expressing what I actually want or need is a critical skill, ideally before I’m frustrated about not having it.

These asks can be small or significant. Maybe I want the dishes put away. Maybe I want a 15-minute walk with my partner to talk about life without interruptions. Whatever it is, I need to find the words to vocalize it. For me, that’s harder than it sounds.

If you struggle with this like I do, ask yourself two questions before staying silent:

What am I afraid of by asking?

What is the cost of not asking?

💡 Now, the real work: Actually taking care of myself

Once I can stop saying yes to everything (work in progress) and start asking for what I need (also a work in progress) —I suddenly get space for actual self-care. Not the Instagram version. The unglamorous basics that actually help me.

💦 Drink more water

Drinking more water—specifically, water with electrolytes—has made a noticeable difference in my focus, energy, and recovery. I’ve been experimenting with different brands, and my current favorite is Magna. The Iced Tea Lemonade, and Blood Orange flavors are the ones I actually reach for.

🌻 Move every day

I try to move every day, though it’s gotten harder since I started coaching (it’s a camera-on experience, which doesn’t lend itself to sneaking in walks like my old job with its long listening meetings did). So I’ve gotten creative: I take non-coaching calls while walking, and if that fails, my dog gets me out the door for at least 20 minutes a day.

😴 Sleep matters more than you think

I know that I am a happier and saner person if I can get to bed on time, get 7 hours of sleep, and get myself out of bed consistently (I like getting up at 6am) in the morning. In addition to my Oura ring that keeps me accountable to going to bed on time, I have discovered a weighted sleep mask - Nodpod - that helps me get back to sleep.

It’s so popular in my household that my kids each now have one as well. It’s only downside is that it doesn’t have a strap to stay on, but i’s been really effective in helping me get back to sleep.

🫶🏻 Coda on Privilege

I am lucky that Mother’s Day for me is a joyous occasion, which I do not take for granted. I am grateful for my mom, who is alive, and well. We also enjoy a close relationship where I still seek her counsel and comfort. I was lucky to have had a relatively easy path to motherhood and I am also lucky to have two wonderful and healthy children. And most importantly, I have an equal partner who makes parenting not only possible but fun and fulfilling.

I know that not everyone is so lucky, and for many Mother’s Day is a heavy day. So whatever it is for you, I see you and hope that you find the right self-care and love for yourself, especially on this day.