🎾 The Power of Controlling What’s in Your Court

A lesson from tennis applied to career and life

“Get the ball over the net. Keep it on the court. Keep it in play.”

That was my coach’s advice when I asked about strategy in my tennis game. I remember staring back at him, slightly bewildered.

“But what about my opponent?” I asked. “When do we talk about how to respond to her shots?”

His response was surprising: “Focus on taking your best shot. Worry less about the other player.”

At first, this felt incomplete—wasn’t tennis about reading my opponent, anticipating their moves, and playing a strategic game? But over time, I realized how good this advice was for my tennis game, work, and parenting.

What’s in Your Control?

One of the most powerful questions I have learned to ask as a coach, manager and a parent is:

“What in this situation is in your control?” Or a variation on this “What are you doing to contribute to this situation?”

The question seems simple, but in today’s climate—especially in the fast-paced, high-pressure tech industry—a quick retort is often “not much.” Or as my 11 year old would immediately say - “Nothing! It’s not my fault that person X did this to me!” Amazing how even at 11, the reaction is to think about blame.

The current environment is undeniably challenging. Employees I talked to across the board, express exhaustion, stress, and the feeling that no amount of effort is enough. With AI touted as boosting productivity by 60% or more, expectations are sky-high, and workloads continue to pile up. There’s an undercurrent of fear—fear of falling behind, of not meeting impossible standards, of being perceived as a slacker.

And yet, when I ask a client and my daughter to pause and think about what is their part in the craziness, I observe a shift.

The Shift from Victimhood to Ownership

I’ve observed two consistent patterns when people reflect on this question:

1. A shift from feeling powerless to feeling in control.

When people see themselves as victims of external circumstances—market pressures, leadership decisions, unrelenting demands—it breeds frustration, resentment, and burnout. But when they focus on what they can control, they begin to reclaim a sense of agency. Even if the external situation remains unchanged, their mindset shifts from helplessness to empowerment.

I’ve been in this exact situation—facing a tight deadline where the team felt stuck with a bad, date-driven plan. They believed they had no control over the outcome. Instead of accepting that, I asked them to go back and bring me a proposal they were actually proud of. The change was immediate—there was energy, ownership, and a better plan.

This same principle applies to you: When things feel out of your control, look for where you can take agency, even in small ways.

2. Recognizing the inability to say “no.”

One of the most striking realizations is how many professionals tell me they struggle to set boundaries. They want to say no to unrealistic expectations but feel trapped by the fear of being perceived as not working hard enough. They recognize the pressure their managers are under and don’t want to disappoint. The result? They keep saying yes until they’re drowning.

I have felt this as a professional but more profoundly as a mom. Can I bend myself into a pretzel to get two kids to different after-school activities simultaneously, while coordinating carpool logistics and my busy work schedule? Sure, no problem. Or I could say no and counterpropose a less crazy solution like not doing an activity on one of the days? But then comes the guilt: Am I a bad mother?

When I unpack this with clients and myself, the reasons for not saying no vary:

• Some fear job insecurity.

• Some equate their self-worth with output.

• Some struggle with confrontation.

• Some have never seen healthy boundary-setting modeled in leadership.

But once we identify these internal barriers, the shift begins. You can start making intentional choices.

Reframing the Game

Just like in tennis, where focusing on my own shot made me a better player, focusing on what’s in our control makes us more effective and resilient. It’s not about ignoring external factors—it’s about shifting the priority to our own game.

So, what does that look like in practice?

• Clarifying priorities helps you say no more. Instead of trying to do everything, focus on the high-impact work that actually moves the needle. Some tools here are having a check in with your manager to go over your priorities and validate what’s most important. This is especially important when new things get added - you go back to your list and ask what can now be lowered or taken off. If nothing, then do two things (at least): (1) Agree to realistic timelines up front and (2) push to understand what success looks like so time is not wasted.

• Setting boundaries helps you be in control. Learning to say no isn’t about slacking—it’s about sustainability. Think about your tomorrow self and make sure you don’t set yourself for failure. As a product manager, my general rubric was for every 1 yes, I had at least 10 no’s. Set expectations upfront - when should people expect a response from you via Slack/Teams vs. email. If you are like me, and think that you need to respond to every message as it comes, stop yourself and breathe. Half of the time, the issue will be resolved by someone else if you give it 24 hours.

• Managing energy your energy is something that you can control. Recognizing what fuels or drains you can make all the difference in long-term performance. I am most productive in the mornings, so I save the work that requires most thinking for a fresh mind. I also really like working collaboratively on hard problems as opposed to by myself, so I get energized from group sessions and people’s energy. So I manage accordingly - save individual hard tasks for the morning and then find a way to collaborate where I can with peers.

• Finally, in your span of control is learning how to let go of perfection. Sometimes “good enough” is truly good enough. I have learned over the years that figuring out the right amount of work to do for the stage the project is in, is critical. For example, I often find myself putting together a very quick rough outline to share the direction I’m going in to get input before putting in more effort. I also think about how reversible the decision will be that we need to make and assess how much work needs to be put into accordingly. High-stakes decision = more work; lower-stakes decision = less work.

In the end, the lesson is the same—whether in tennis, work, parenting, or relationships. When I focus on executing my best shot rather than constantly reacting, I perform better and feel more in control. And the same goes for you: The more you focus on what’s in your control, the stronger and more sustainable your game becomes.

For the visual learners out there, here is a reminder wheel that illustrates control.

As always, thank you for reading. If you or someone you know is going through these hard moments right now, I’d love to talk and see if I can help. I am in the process of launching my own executive and leadership coaching practice and I am offering a variety of discounted packages for friends and family. You (or someone you recommend) can book a free introductory call with me here.