Top 3 Impactful Decisions in My Life
🙋♀️ Helen here with our weekly Substack!
In a mentor circle of women entrepreneurs I led recently, someone asked me what my top 3 most important decisions that I have made in my life are and why. As I reflected on this question and the graduation season we are in, I would like to answer this question.
I graduated from high school in 2000, and I vividly remember standing at the edge of adulthood, with the world wide open. That season of life comes with no shortage of advice: Be true to yourself. Travel. Don’t rush into marriage. Try new things. And always wear sunscreen.
Now, 25 years later, I find myself reflecting on the choices that truly shaped my life. If I zoom out, what were the decisions—my decisions—that really mattered?
Some milestones, like immigrating to the U.S. in the early ’90s, weren’t mine to make—I was ten, and that was my parents’ call. But the ones I did choose - what was the impact and how did it shape me.
🚙 Moving to Seattle from LA - 2008
Context
I landed my dream job a year after graduating from UCLA (2005). I became a political consultant, which I thought was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life (I miss the black and white clarity of my 20s). I got to do the coolest things in this job - working for an amazing manager, working in the bustle of politics in California across the country - the bedrock of American democracy.
As I was living my best life, Adam and I decided to start dating after years of friendship. However, he was living in the Pacific Northwest and thriving at Microsoft so if this relationship was going to work, someone needed to shift. So in late 2007, I got agreement from my consulting firm to move up Washington and help start an office. I packed my things, rented an apartment and drove north.
Trade-offs
On the upside, I was excited to help build an office in the Pacific Northwest, I was intrigued by Seattle as a place to live and was ready to make a change from California to try something new. I was also convinced that it was going to be too hard to make a long-distance relationship work. Professionally, I was moving away from my first manager and team that I loved working with. A strong female mentor and role model of mine questioned why I was throwing away everything I had built for a guy with no guarantees. My rationale was that this was not a one way door decision (as in if I didn’t work, I could return) and also in my core, I knew that taking risks was part of living a full life.
Why is this decision in my top 3 list
The decision fundamentally shifted my future. Adam and I got married and built a home. I began building a professional and personal network in the Pacific Northwest - building new relationships and setting me up for a career in tech. This was the first big “plunge” that I took which would serve as a building block to many future decisions.
👩🏼💼 Going to business school at the University of Washington, Foster School of Business - 2009
Context
When I graduated from UCLA with a BA in Political Science, I thought I would go to Law School, but quickly realized I was not interested in being a lawyer. Through my work in political consulting and public affairs, I realized that marketing was an adjacent career to what I was already doing. As my earlier conviction that I was going to be a political consultant for the rest of my life was starting to fade, I thought that my next logical career jump would be to become a marketer, however, I did not think that I could get hired as one without credentials (especially as the financial markets collapsed in 2008). So I focused on getting into an MBA program to boost my credentials and increase my option value.
Trade-offs
This was my first career transition moment (one that I would return to multiple times) and it made me start fresh and go back to square one. I stopped making money for two years and had to accept a certain amount of debt and dependence on Adam, which was not easy for me to do. As I entered business school, the 2008 financial crash had just happened so the value of the MBA was not super clear at the time and I was making a bet that the degree will be useful no matter what. I debated between going to Georgetown for my MBA or UW Foster. I have a deep love for Washington DC and at the time, I had many colleagues there (in politics), however, I decided that because I was trying to build a life in the Pacific Northwest, I needed to focus on developing a network and opening professional doors in the PNW. In that moment, in many ways, I officially said goodbye to my time in the political arena.
Why is this decision in my top 3 list
As a result of my business degree at Foster, I was able to effectively network and get into the Microsoft MBA internship program and then get a full-time offer. Adam and I got engaged during my MBA program, and I formed deep connections that have fueled my professional career since. This decision also was not a one-way door decision - it was one that I viewed as to my credentials and one that did not lock me into anything specific, but rather made certain paths easier to travel (ie, getting a job in tech, marketing, and consulting).
🤰🏼Becoming a Mom - 2014
Context
I was not one of these people who was dying to have children. In fact, I don’t think I’ve changed a diaper until I had my daughter in 2014. But in the world of many “shoulds” I knew that having kids was on the list and something I would do and probably like it. Adam and I were married in 2011 and in 2014, we welcomed our first daughter into this world. A few years later, we welcomed our second daughter and we continue to now work as a family of four (and now a dog).
Trade-offs
As a woman, the short-term professional trade-offs with either child were not positive for me. In addition to the brain fog during pregnancy and for 6 months after returning to work, there is no way that maternity leaves were accelerators to my career. Promos were delayed, professional travel was limited and my time was not my own (I had and continue to have hard stops on my work days in ways that I did not experience before kids). On the upside, having children grew my empathy for fellow parents in the workforce, made me be more resourceful with the less time I had, taught me how to ruthlessly prioritize and prepared me to become a manager.
Why is this decision in my top 3 list
Unlike the other two decisions, this one was a one-way door decision. There is no undo button for having kids. It has enriched my identity, made me a better worker, partner, daughter, friend, and sister. A friend of mine who is a few years ahead of me in the parenting journey told me at the time that there is no greater privilege in life than to raise the next generation of humans.
My Wisdom - Take the Plunge
“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom” - Terry Pratchett
The common thread in these most meaningful life decisions is that I took a risk into the unknown. It required me to be brave and thoughtful, to recognize a door when I saw one and believe that better things lay ahead. With the optimism for the future and being open to possibilities, I was able to take the plunge and allow the momentum to carry me.